Nain passed away very peacefully early this morning with Kate by his side, exactly 5 months after being diagnosed with one of the most deadliest cancers. Although I am saddened to see him go, I am grateful to know that he is no longer in pain, and that Kate is no longer suffering watching him hurt.
Kate is doing as well as expected during a time like this. She realized it was his time to go, and she gave him permission, which I am sure meant a lot to him.
Amara has been very lucky and loved since even before Day 1, but she is even luckier now that she has such an amazing guardian angel watching over her and her mother.
Rest in forever eternal peace Amara's Daddy 11/12/69 - 11/30/11
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
....
I woke up today with a text from Kate... Although Kate and Nain were hoping he could stay at home as long as possible, and peacefully go in his sleep, it was getting to be too much on Kate - He needs constant care.. he started vomiting blood and is more confused and agitated than before.. he was transported to a hospice home this morning where he can get the 24/7 care he requires.
Tomorrow will be exactly 5 months from when he was diagnosed.. Five months ago today, everything was PERFECT - so strange how your life can turn upside down so easily, so unexpectedly.. you just never know what tomorrow will bring...
Please keep them in your thoughts and give Kate the stregth she needs to keep doing what she is doing.
Tomorrow will be exactly 5 months from when he was diagnosed.. Five months ago today, everything was PERFECT - so strange how your life can turn upside down so easily, so unexpectedly.. you just never know what tomorrow will bring...
Please keep them in your thoughts and give Kate the stregth she needs to keep doing what she is doing.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Baby Kicks
Today was definitely an emotional day...
I went to Kate and Nain's house for a visit - Kate and I planned to go through all the items that she received from the baby shower and put them away in the nursery.. We didn't get much accomplished though.. a couple picture frames got put on the dresser, and we hung up several (empty) clothes hangers - oh and put all the stuffed animals in a basket. Kate and I did attempt to put the co-sleeper together, but failed miserably.. thank goodness Amara has an awesome (and strong) grandfather that was able to get it together!! But mostly we just talked, and cried, and talked some more.. and cried even more...
She is so strong.. I am not sure how she does it, but she does.. I'm sure she feels weak, but she is far from it.. she loves her husband so much.. and as much as it is hard for me to see him going through this, it is just as hard, if not harder, for me to see her have to see him going through this... I wish I could take all their pain and hurt away and just give them their baby, like how we had thought it was going to be. But nothing goes as planned I guess :(
I got to spend a little bit of time with Nain - he was in a lot of pain and was very tired so I didn't want to bother him too much, but I did sit next to him, and he was able to put his hand on my belly for the first time and Amara gave hims LOTS of good kicks - strange too, because she is NEVER awake during that time of day.. for the past 3 or 4 weeks, I have really gotten accustomed to her sleep cycle and I never noticed her awake around this time, but today, she's been up ALL day - maybe she'll let me sleep tonight!
Nain's voice is very quite, or maybe it is hard for him to speak, I am not sure.. but I did hear him tell his little girl he loved her, in spanish.. so beautiful but emotional, but I tried very hard to not cry, I did not want Nain to know I was sad.. as sad I am, I am also happy I was able to be there, and that he was able to have that moment with Amara.
After seeing him today, and hearing all Kate had to say.. I am no longer hoping for 8 more weeks.. it would be BEYOND selfish of me to expect him to suffer like that for 59 more days.. as much as I WANT and WISH it was possible, I am content with knowing it is not - He LOVES his daughter, and there will not be a day in her life that someone will not remind Amara how much he loved and wanted her!
I went to Kate and Nain's house for a visit - Kate and I planned to go through all the items that she received from the baby shower and put them away in the nursery.. We didn't get much accomplished though.. a couple picture frames got put on the dresser, and we hung up several (empty) clothes hangers - oh and put all the stuffed animals in a basket. Kate and I did attempt to put the co-sleeper together, but failed miserably.. thank goodness Amara has an awesome (and strong) grandfather that was able to get it together!! But mostly we just talked, and cried, and talked some more.. and cried even more...
She is so strong.. I am not sure how she does it, but she does.. I'm sure she feels weak, but she is far from it.. she loves her husband so much.. and as much as it is hard for me to see him going through this, it is just as hard, if not harder, for me to see her have to see him going through this... I wish I could take all their pain and hurt away and just give them their baby, like how we had thought it was going to be. But nothing goes as planned I guess :(
I got to spend a little bit of time with Nain - he was in a lot of pain and was very tired so I didn't want to bother him too much, but I did sit next to him, and he was able to put his hand on my belly for the first time and Amara gave hims LOTS of good kicks - strange too, because she is NEVER awake during that time of day.. for the past 3 or 4 weeks, I have really gotten accustomed to her sleep cycle and I never noticed her awake around this time, but today, she's been up ALL day - maybe she'll let me sleep tonight!
Nain's voice is very quite, or maybe it is hard for him to speak, I am not sure.. but I did hear him tell his little girl he loved her, in spanish.. so beautiful but emotional, but I tried very hard to not cry, I did not want Nain to know I was sad.. as sad I am, I am also happy I was able to be there, and that he was able to have that moment with Amara.
After seeing him today, and hearing all Kate had to say.. I am no longer hoping for 8 more weeks.. it would be BEYOND selfish of me to expect him to suffer like that for 59 more days.. as much as I WANT and WISH it was possible, I am content with knowing it is not - He LOVES his daughter, and there will not be a day in her life that someone will not remind Amara how much he loved and wanted her!
PurpleLight 2011
Sunday night was PurpleLight National Vigil for Hope! Many states and communities held their own vigils to honor those who are fighting, and pay tribute to those who have passed away from Pancreatic Cancer. My friend, Shannon, and I attended the Rhode Island one, at the State House and it was an amazing turn out!
It was great to see the state house lit up purple, even if just for one evening! And to hear some of the stories, especially from one of the SEVEN survivors that was in attendance! Seeing and hearing from survivors provides so much hope!
Members from the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network - Rhode Island Affiliate read aloud the names of many people who have heard the dreadful "you have pancreatic cancer", including my Nain's name! Although Kate and Nain were not there by my side, I know they were there in spirit and I am happy I was able to physically be there for them!
Rhode Island may be the smallest state in the country, but we're pretty darn amazing!
Senator Sheldon Whitehouse is a great supporter of Pancreatic Cancer Awareness since his mother lost her life to the horrible disease.
Senator Edward O'Neill was in there tonight and spoke about how pancreatic has touched the life of someone he loves deeply.
J.R. from Providence Mayor Angel Tavaras' Office also spoke about this disease and read aloud Providence's Proclamation signed by Mayor Tavaras!
And, my favorite, Congressman David Cicillini spoke, too!
I am truly PROUD to be a Rhode Islander - We definitely are doing big things for being such a little state! Woohoo to RI! Let's kick Pancreatic Cancer's butt, RI!!!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Life isn't always sugar plums and gum drops
Nain went to the doctor yesterday and his liver functions declined a lot.. Chemo is no longer an option for him.. it would be too dangerous and do more harm than good. I am sure he feels like stopping treatment is like giving up, and letting cancer win, but he did everything he could, he had the greatest doctors, the most supportive wife, family and friends and always the most positive attitude but this cancer is just TOO strong and 100% deadly!
There may be no more treatment options for him, but i know he still has fight left.. he has to, right? Amara is counting on him! But when I say or think that, I feel bad.. I have seen people suffering from cancer.. I have seen people at the end of their life, I held my greatgrandmother's hand while she took her last breathe.. they hurt, they really hurt.. u can see it in their eyes, you can just feel it in the room... I feel selfish for wanting him to keep fighting and try to wait to see his little girl.
It's always like this though, right? When something is going bad, we always try to bargain with God or with another person.. All we ever want is one more day, one more smile, one more hug, one more "i love you".. Are we wrong for wanting this?
There are the people who hold off, and wait for a family member to be by their side, or they way for a special occasion, they wait until their loved ones feel ready, or as ready as they will ever feel, they wait for someone to tell them "it's okay".. do the sick do this for us? do they do it for themself?
I guess these are the questions that are rolling around my head right now, and I'll probably never know the answers to them.. so instead, i'll just keep trying to make a deal with God and hope for another 65 days..
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Happy Birthday!
Happy 42nd Birthday to an AMAZING man - who is always smiling, even when there's not much to smile about.... who always thinks positive, even after hearing the most negative diagnosis... who puts others before himself, all the time... and who I am extremely fortunate to know because I am a better person because of him... but most importantly, who will be the most amazing daddy to the most precious baby girl!! Happy Birthday, Nain! We Love You! ♥
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Time will tell
Recently I have been getting asked if my doctor and/or if Kate and Nain have discussed doing a possible early induction if Nain's health continues to decline - I was actually asked this exact question 4 times just yesterday.
I honestly have not really thought about it, my OB has never brought up the topic and my Kate has never spoken about it. But I can attempt to tell you how I "think" we all feel..
I would do it in a heartbeat - I want nothing more than to be able to witness Nain hold his daughter, to smell her, to hug her, to kiss her, to simply be her daddy. I do not know what the next 10 weeks will bring. Am I still hoping for a miracle? HELL YES! Do I want to think about him declining even more than he already is? HELL NO! But it is also a reality that we must face, so as I let the sadness of the reality sit in the back of my head, I continue to think positive and have faith - maybe that is why I haven't discussed this question with my OB or Kate... maybe I just hope it's not something we'll have to worry about...
My OB is wonderful! She knows what is going on and she is very empathetic towards the whole situation, she is always telling me how she thinks of us even on her days off, and prayers for us at church - sometimes I think I ever see a tear in her eye - I believe that if we reached 37 weeks and Amara was healthy and looking good, I do think that she would consider an induction.
BUT with that said,
I don't think Kate or Nain would want that.. as much as I am sure they both feel like I do, all they want is to be a family -TOGETHER- I feel that considering all they have been through, all the ups and downs, the dreams come true moments and the nightmares.. I feel all they really want is the most healthy baby possible. Again this is only my opinion, but I think they would want labor to start naturally and to not force what was not meant to be... just leave it up to the man above.
Then again, I could be totally wrong... only time will tell....
I honestly have not really thought about it, my OB has never brought up the topic and my Kate has never spoken about it. But I can attempt to tell you how I "think" we all feel..
I would do it in a heartbeat - I want nothing more than to be able to witness Nain hold his daughter, to smell her, to hug her, to kiss her, to simply be her daddy. I do not know what the next 10 weeks will bring. Am I still hoping for a miracle? HELL YES! Do I want to think about him declining even more than he already is? HELL NO! But it is also a reality that we must face, so as I let the sadness of the reality sit in the back of my head, I continue to think positive and have faith - maybe that is why I haven't discussed this question with my OB or Kate... maybe I just hope it's not something we'll have to worry about...
My OB is wonderful! She knows what is going on and she is very empathetic towards the whole situation, she is always telling me how she thinks of us even on her days off, and prayers for us at church - sometimes I think I ever see a tear in her eye - I believe that if we reached 37 weeks and Amara was healthy and looking good, I do think that she would consider an induction.
BUT with that said,
I don't think Kate or Nain would want that.. as much as I am sure they both feel like I do, all they want is to be a family -TOGETHER- I feel that considering all they have been through, all the ups and downs, the dreams come true moments and the nightmares.. I feel all they really want is the most healthy baby possible. Again this is only my opinion, but I think they would want labor to start naturally and to not force what was not meant to be... just leave it up to the man above.
Then again, I could be totally wrong... only time will tell....
Monday, November 7, 2011
Exactly like this
Out of all the "must have been fate" and "happened for a reason" moments that have occurred during the past 16 months of this surrogacy such as; being delayed at first, working on the first try, singleton vs twins, Kate and Nain enjoying an adventure-filled vacation just weeks prior to Nain being diagnosed, etc.... the one that touches me the most, which Kate just remembered and told me about the other day, is that our due date, January 20, 2012, will mark the 8 year anniversary of her hysterectomy. Even with all the craziness and heartache, this journey could not be any more perfect - for some reason, and only He knows for sure, it was just meant to be, every detail, exactly like this... and knowing that provides us with the comfort that we all need ♥
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Baby Check
Seen the OB for a checkup today.. I passed the sugar test (woohoo), I did not gain any weight in the last 4 weeks but they said that is ok and not to worry since my overall weight is good. But since my last three appts, I only went up 4 lbs and I sure feel like I gained more than 4lbs in the last 12 weeks.. I feel like I gained atleast 10 just in my BOOBS! But I bet it will all catch up with me and I'll start gaining like crazy now..
Amara's heartbeat sounds great, and my uterus is measuring well. The doctor did a pelvic exam and was able to tell that Amara is not in a set position, she is still just floating around, having a good ol' time which is fine, my cervix is nice and closed but very sensitive so she said I need to take a little bit of an easy and tell the hubby no "fun" until I am atleast 36 weeks..considering I will only be 29 weeks tomorrow, we'll have lots of Rummy and Uno-filled nights from now on :)
I am now scheduled to go and see the OB every 2 weeks, until I get to the 36 week mark, then I'll be going weekly.. I might just move in! The next appt is November 18th which will be an ultrasound, too! Yay, love u/s appts BUTTTT what I love even more is the fact that Kate texted me today and said we're going for a 3d/4d ultrasound on Saturday! I never had one with my kids, so I am beyond excited to have this done and see if Amara looks like her mommy or daddy! Ahhh! I cannot wait!!
So, Amara has definitely been getting MUCH stronger lately, especially right now as I write about her, I swear she is trying to climb out of me so she can write her own story or something! haha.. oh, and she gets the hiccups often too.. I know I been pregnant three times before, but somehow I forgot about all the little things of pregnancy.. I love every moment of this.. even when she moves like crazy when I am trying to go to sleep - which is why I am up blogging and not sleeping right now! But every movement I feel, means she is still there, she is still growing into the miracle princess she is.. so for every moment, I am thankful.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
People, We have a PBO!!
What is a PBO? It is short for Pre-Birth Order, which is issued by a judge during a surrogacy arrangement (usually around 20-30 weeks pregnant) to allow the Intended Parents' (Kate and Nain) names to go on the birth certificate at birth instead of the Surrogate's so an adoption is not necessary. This is done in advance so that the hospital and insurance companies can be aware who has legal rights of the child/ren and it allows the intended parents to be the sole decision makers from the moment of birth.
Obvisiouly I know the Amara is theirs, they know Amara is theirs, the doctors who did the transfer know as well, but the hospital and department of vital records do not.. so our lawyers had to get together and prove to the judge that the baby I am carrying is in fact their baby and provide evidence to support the claim, about 25 pages of information detailing almost every highlight of our journey and specific information outlining what procedures had been done to conceive the child. Had the PBO been denied, we would have had to wait until after the birth to have a paternity test done, then an adoption and finally have the birth certificate reissued.. that would have been a hassle, time consuming and not fair to Kate and Nain.
So that is why I am so excited that everything is working out so beautifully and the judge sided with us and approved the PBO.. Our doctors and lawyers ROCK and were able to prove that Kate and Nain are the biological parents of Amara even though she is coming out of my vagina and not Kate's ;) Yay!
80 Days
Oh my gosh - I cannot believe that the due date is in just EIGHTY days! Where did the past 200 days go?
Someone asked me yesterday a question, which seems to be the 2nd most common question I am asked about this journey, behind "You get paid for that, right?!" which I absolutelyyyyyyyyyy dislike and if you ask me, I'll glady tell you the reasons why I hate that question.. but anyhow, the 2nd most asked question is how I'll be able to give the baby away.. First, it's not "giving away" the baby.. it is "giving back" the baby.. I am, as they call me, their kangaroo mama.. nothing more, nothing less. She is growing inside me, until she can grow inside their arms. Yes, I love her, I love her very much, but it's not the same love that I felt while carrying my own babies.. I don't know how my heart and mind work exactly, but the love I feel for her is unexplainable.. it is the greatest of this type of indescribable love, but not the love that a mother has for her own child, more like a proud love, a way that I would look at any precious miracle baby.
So in 80 days, or less, or more - but God I hope not much more, I will be witnessing an amazing woman and man hold their baby for the first time, I may cry, but every tear will be the happiest of tears. I have been dreaming about this moment for almost a year and a half - and I cannot believe it will be here in less than 3 months. Pretty darn amazing!
I would love to answer ANY questions people may have.. they will be kept anonymous if you wish, but it will be great to answer more questions and give me motivation to update this blog more often :) Send to SurrogateInRI@gmail.com
Someone asked me yesterday a question, which seems to be the 2nd most common question I am asked about this journey, behind "You get paid for that, right?!" which I absolutelyyyyyyyyyy dislike and if you ask me, I'll glady tell you the reasons why I hate that question.. but anyhow, the 2nd most asked question is how I'll be able to give the baby away.. First, it's not "giving away" the baby.. it is "giving back" the baby.. I am, as they call me, their kangaroo mama.. nothing more, nothing less. She is growing inside me, until she can grow inside their arms. Yes, I love her, I love her very much, but it's not the same love that I felt while carrying my own babies.. I don't know how my heart and mind work exactly, but the love I feel for her is unexplainable.. it is the greatest of this type of indescribable love, but not the love that a mother has for her own child, more like a proud love, a way that I would look at any precious miracle baby.
So in 80 days, or less, or more - but God I hope not much more, I will be witnessing an amazing woman and man hold their baby for the first time, I may cry, but every tear will be the happiest of tears. I have been dreaming about this moment for almost a year and a half - and I cannot believe it will be here in less than 3 months. Pretty darn amazing!
I would love to answer ANY questions people may have.. they will be kept anonymous if you wish, but it will be great to answer more questions and give me motivation to update this blog more often :) Send to SurrogateInRI@gmail.com
Sunday, October 30, 2011
"Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway." ~Emory Austin.
Four months ago today, Nain was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, 59 days after our transfer, and just 35 days after seeing his baby's heart beat for the first time - A time when he should be beyond happy about becoming a first time daddy and planning for his family's future. But instead he is consumed with doctor appointments and cancer treatments. Yet, if you met him today, you'd never know all he's been through - he is such a strong man, husband, and father (he has lots of practice with Lucy, their pug) and he keeps singing, singing, singing!
It's been a long, curvy road, and very different from what I pictured it would be, but I truly love OUR story and I feel so blessed to be a part of this journey with them. People say everything happens for a reason, and whether that is true, or if it's just a saying to help people move on, I truly don't know but I do believe every moment since July 2010 has happened exactly as it has for some reason.. the delays we had in the beginning gave us more time to get to know each other, Kate's body not producing as many eggs as she had hoped but were great quality, transferring two embryos, but only one sticking, them going on vacation just a couple weeks later and truly enjoying themselves, me carrying their precious miracle as they sit and hear the worst news of their lives and me still carrying their baby as they deal with this disease on a daily basis.. I feel I was brought to them for a reason, at that exactly moment for a reason, we got pregnant when we did for a reason, and he wasn't diagnosed until afterwards for a reason and that reason will be here is just 12 weeks - she is truly a miracle and she makes me realize exactly how precious life really is - I know she'll grow up to be something truly amazing one day.. God really wanted her to be here for a REASON, watch out everyone - Amara is going to change the WORLD one day!!
It's been a long, curvy road, and very different from what I pictured it would be, but I truly love OUR story and I feel so blessed to be a part of this journey with them. People say everything happens for a reason, and whether that is true, or if it's just a saying to help people move on, I truly don't know but I do believe every moment since July 2010 has happened exactly as it has for some reason.. the delays we had in the beginning gave us more time to get to know each other, Kate's body not producing as many eggs as she had hoped but were great quality, transferring two embryos, but only one sticking, them going on vacation just a couple weeks later and truly enjoying themselves, me carrying their precious miracle as they sit and hear the worst news of their lives and me still carrying their baby as they deal with this disease on a daily basis.. I feel I was brought to them for a reason, at that exactly moment for a reason, we got pregnant when we did for a reason, and he wasn't diagnosed until afterwards for a reason and that reason will be here is just 12 weeks - she is truly a miracle and she makes me realize exactly how precious life really is - I know she'll grow up to be something truly amazing one day.. God really wanted her to be here for a REASON, watch out everyone - Amara is going to change the WORLD one day!!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
And she shall be called....
Lots of exciting things have been happening.. Doctors, Babyshower, and Namepicking!! Woohoo!!
I went to the doctors this week and me and baby are doing wonderful - everything is measuring great and her heartbeat is nice and strong! I did the glucose test and just have to wait for the results. I go back for another checkup in 4 weeks, and then my appointments will start being biweekly, with the first biweekly appt including an ultrasound :) I love ultrasounds because that means Mommy and Daddy will come to the appointment with me and it's always better with them there!!!
Yesterday was the baby shower! I LOVE baby showers - it's always great to get together and celebrate and shower the mommy-to-be with lots of love and presents! The day was beautiful, just like the weather! Kenny and I were both so proud to have been apart of their special day. We thought it would have been a tad awkward, since we didn't know anyone, but it wasn't at all - it was fantastic! Everyone treated us like part of the family, they hugged us, talked to us, and thanked us - it was just amazing. I think the baby got everything she needs, plus some! I cannot wait to see the finished nursery, she is truly going to be a little princess! Kate got me such beautiful gifts, including a beautiful handwritten letter that took me 3 attempts to read through because I did not want to cry while being there! One of her friends, that I had met at the walk last month, also gave me a card with a beautifully written note inside. Yesterday was a greatttt day and only one thing prevented it from pure perfection and that is cancer! Nain joined us to eat and chat a bit, but then he had to go rest because he wasn't feeling well. I wish he could have had enjoyed the day, like he was suppose to. Kate, Nain and baby are very blessed to be loved by so many people and if love alone could cure diseases, they would be the healthiest of all!
And last, but not least, as the title of this entry suggests, "she", "Julio-a", "Juanita", etc.. has a real legit name now!! Her name is going to be AMARA! Amara means "eternal" - and it's absolutely perfect for her! Little Amara has definitely changed my life, for etenity.
I went to the doctors this week and me and baby are doing wonderful - everything is measuring great and her heartbeat is nice and strong! I did the glucose test and just have to wait for the results. I go back for another checkup in 4 weeks, and then my appointments will start being biweekly, with the first biweekly appt including an ultrasound :) I love ultrasounds because that means Mommy and Daddy will come to the appointment with me and it's always better with them there!!!
Yesterday was the baby shower! I LOVE baby showers - it's always great to get together and celebrate and shower the mommy-to-be with lots of love and presents! The day was beautiful, just like the weather! Kenny and I were both so proud to have been apart of their special day. We thought it would have been a tad awkward, since we didn't know anyone, but it wasn't at all - it was fantastic! Everyone treated us like part of the family, they hugged us, talked to us, and thanked us - it was just amazing. I think the baby got everything she needs, plus some! I cannot wait to see the finished nursery, she is truly going to be a little princess! Kate got me such beautiful gifts, including a beautiful handwritten letter that took me 3 attempts to read through because I did not want to cry while being there! One of her friends, that I had met at the walk last month, also gave me a card with a beautifully written note inside. Yesterday was a greatttt day and only one thing prevented it from pure perfection and that is cancer! Nain joined us to eat and chat a bit, but then he had to go rest because he wasn't feeling well. I wish he could have had enjoyed the day, like he was suppose to. Kate, Nain and baby are very blessed to be loved by so many people and if love alone could cure diseases, they would be the healthiest of all!
And last, but not least, as the title of this entry suggests, "she", "Julio-a", "Juanita", etc.. has a real legit name now!! Her name is going to be AMARA! Amara means "eternal" - and it's absolutely perfect for her! Little Amara has definitely changed my life, for etenity.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
The good... the bad.... and everything in between
So, if you haven't had time to watch the video below, I'll just let you know - It's a GIRL! She was not shy at all and let us have a perfect look, as if to demand that we notice that she does not appreciate being called "Julio"! Mommy and Daddy are very excited and cannot wait to meet her!
Last Saturday was PurpleStrides Boston and it was a wonderful turn out - so many people there, all for the same reason - because someone they love has heard the words "You have Pancreatic Cancer". And now we all want to raise awareness, fundraise money for research so that an early detection tool can be found and of course, to find a CURE!. I don't know the exact number of the people who walked/ran but it was amazing to see them all. One thing did get me all teared up though.. it was after the race, while looking at the gift shop items, I overheard one of the survivors talking about how she was 1 of 6 survivors there - SIX! SIX out of the hundreds of people there. Ugh! I hate cancer!
But the good news is, this was the first PurpleStrides event in Boston, and a huge success! The fundraising goal was $80,000 and at last count, the event raised $164,000! AMAZING! I enjoyed being there with Kate and walking with her friends and family - I also met her mother for the first time which was very nice - She is very blessed with amazing family and friends. It was really a nice time, considering the circumstances of why we were all gathered there.
Oh, and the video below that I made has been circulating around the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network world, in just TWO days, it has been seen by so many people. I was even approached by one of the media ladies for the Boston PanCAN Affiliate - she was so grateful for the video, and wanted to hear more about our story and offered to do a story on us.
On Tuesday Nain had his first follow-up scan since starting chemo. They went to hear the results on Wednesday. They were so-so. The tumor on his pancreas did not change - the ones on his liver varied - some stayed the same size, some got smaller and some got larger - so basically, he is a little worst off than before he started treatment. Not really the news we were hoping for but atleast the doctor is going to try another type of chemo, and hope there is a better reaction this time around.
Kate and Nain asked the doctor if he'll be here for the due date and there is no answer - it is impossible for the doctor to say yes or no since the disease is so unpredictable and anything can happen - especially once they start the new chemo. The doctor did advise him that he should go visit any family now that requires traveling since he may not be able to soon. They are traveling to Mexico next weekend so he can see all of his family, including his mother and grandmother for what could be, a last goodbye, although I am praying it is a "see you soon".
Kate is taking a personal leave from work for an unknown amount of time so she can spend every moment with her husband, he needs her, and she needs him. I am happy she is able to do it and that her work is very understanding, because it really is something that she needs emotionally - she needs to be there, for him, for her, for their family.
I absolutely hate the fact that there is NOTHING I can do. Well, I know what I have to do.. and that is to keep providing a good and healthy womb for their daughter, but besides that, I feel so helpless. I wish there was something I could do, something I could find out, or just something I could just SAY to make this better. I know I have to stay positive, and I am. I know I have to stay unstressed, and I am trying. But really, it's all I think about, it's always on my mind, as much as it is hurting them, it is hurting me - I just wish things were different. I wish things were perfect again.
When we went to visit them several weeks ago - Kate mentioned something about how she is so excited for the baby, and how she cannot wait to meet the baby but at the same time, she just wants more time with her husband - WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ONE OR THE OTHER?
Since then, I do not remind her how many weeks we are, or how many days are left, like I used to.. I know she knows.. I know her mind is running like a countdown - and I don't want to keep reminding her - Can we just freeze time for a while?!
Last Saturday was PurpleStrides Boston and it was a wonderful turn out - so many people there, all for the same reason - because someone they love has heard the words "You have Pancreatic Cancer". And now we all want to raise awareness, fundraise money for research so that an early detection tool can be found and of course, to find a CURE!. I don't know the exact number of the people who walked/ran but it was amazing to see them all. One thing did get me all teared up though.. it was after the race, while looking at the gift shop items, I overheard one of the survivors talking about how she was 1 of 6 survivors there - SIX! SIX out of the hundreds of people there. Ugh! I hate cancer!
But the good news is, this was the first PurpleStrides event in Boston, and a huge success! The fundraising goal was $80,000 and at last count, the event raised $164,000! AMAZING! I enjoyed being there with Kate and walking with her friends and family - I also met her mother for the first time which was very nice - She is very blessed with amazing family and friends. It was really a nice time, considering the circumstances of why we were all gathered there.
Oh, and the video below that I made has been circulating around the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network world, in just TWO days, it has been seen by so many people. I was even approached by one of the media ladies for the Boston PanCAN Affiliate - she was so grateful for the video, and wanted to hear more about our story and offered to do a story on us.
On Tuesday Nain had his first follow-up scan since starting chemo. They went to hear the results on Wednesday. They were so-so. The tumor on his pancreas did not change - the ones on his liver varied - some stayed the same size, some got smaller and some got larger - so basically, he is a little worst off than before he started treatment. Not really the news we were hoping for but atleast the doctor is going to try another type of chemo, and hope there is a better reaction this time around.
Kate and Nain asked the doctor if he'll be here for the due date and there is no answer - it is impossible for the doctor to say yes or no since the disease is so unpredictable and anything can happen - especially once they start the new chemo. The doctor did advise him that he should go visit any family now that requires traveling since he may not be able to soon. They are traveling to Mexico next weekend so he can see all of his family, including his mother and grandmother for what could be, a last goodbye, although I am praying it is a "see you soon".
Kate is taking a personal leave from work for an unknown amount of time so she can spend every moment with her husband, he needs her, and she needs him. I am happy she is able to do it and that her work is very understanding, because it really is something that she needs emotionally - she needs to be there, for him, for her, for their family.
I absolutely hate the fact that there is NOTHING I can do. Well, I know what I have to do.. and that is to keep providing a good and healthy womb for their daughter, but besides that, I feel so helpless. I wish there was something I could do, something I could find out, or just something I could just SAY to make this better. I know I have to stay positive, and I am. I know I have to stay unstressed, and I am trying. But really, it's all I think about, it's always on my mind, as much as it is hurting them, it is hurting me - I just wish things were different. I wish things were perfect again.
When we went to visit them several weeks ago - Kate mentioned something about how she is so excited for the baby, and how she cannot wait to meet the baby but at the same time, she just wants more time with her husband - WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ONE OR THE OTHER?
Since then, I do not remind her how many weeks we are, or how many days are left, like I used to.. I know she knows.. I know her mind is running like a countdown - and I don't want to keep reminding her - Can we just freeze time for a while?!
The baby shower is in 3 weeks (they want to do it sooner, rather than later) and I am happy to have been invited! Now I just have to think about what to get for such a miracle of a little girl! I have so many ideas, but now to put them all together for something perfect, for someone so perfect.
Me at 21 Weeks
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
TOMORROW!
SOOO tomorrow is our big day!! The ULTRASOUND day! We're so excited!! Will it be a GIRL or a BOY?!
So today I was thinking about how everyone loves to try to get a baby's gender, so why not make a little fun game AND raise money for pancreatic cancer at the same time!!!
For $1, you can place a guess - if your guess is correct, your name will be entered into a raffle for a small gift that I will send you. If your guess is wrong, you have to double your donation, so it would be a total of $2 (of course, if you want to wager more, you can)- ALL the money will go 100% to the Boston PurpleStrides fundraiser that I am participating in with Kate in support of Nain on Saturday! The link is below and you can read our story there - If anyone is interested, let me know.. just so you know donations on the fundraising site have to be atleast $5 - so to donate $1 or $2, paypal me and select "gift" so the paypal fee will be waived (surrogateinri@gmail.com) and then once I get all the donations, I'll transfer the total to the fundraiser page
Of course, you can still make a guess without paying a dollar (or 2) but, I figured it would be a fun little game and a great way to raise some more money for something that means so much to me and this family.
So today I was thinking about how everyone loves to try to get a baby's gender, so why not make a little fun game AND raise money for pancreatic cancer at the same time!!!
For $1, you can place a guess - if your guess is correct, your name will be entered into a raffle for a small gift that I will send you. If your guess is wrong, you have to double your donation, so it would be a total of $2 (of course, if you want to wager more, you can)- ALL the money will go 100% to the Boston PurpleStrides fundraiser that I am participating in with Kate in support of Nain on Saturday! The link is below and you can read our story there - If anyone is interested, let me know.. just so you know donations on the fundraising site have to be atleast $5 - so to donate $1 or $2, paypal me and select "gift" so the paypal fee will be waived (surrogateinri@gmail.com) and then once I get all the donations, I'll transfer the total to the fundraiser page
Of course, you can still make a guess without paying a dollar (or 2) but, I figured it would be a fun little game and a great way to raise some more money for something that means so much to me and this family.
20 Weeks
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Today was a good day!
Today the hubby, kids and I went to Kate and Nain's house! It was the first time they met Angelina and Alianna and our first time going to their home, which is absolutely beautiful!
We had a wonderful day there, we ordered pizza and just spent time chatting - the kids loved playing with their pug, Lucy! Then we went to a farm and had homemade ice cream - YUM! I wish today never ended!!
Nain was so helpful, even though I am sure it was hard for him, being on chemo and medications and dealing with cancer on a daily basis is no easy stroll, so I was amazed to see him hosting while we were at their house - he is just too good of a guy to sit down and let others take care of him all the time. And of course Kate was great! They're such wonderful people, I don't think I could be any more happier or more lucky to have found such amazing peope to experience this journey with - I sometimes wonder if I will have another "calling" to help another family... I had always told my hubby that if these Kate and Nain asked for a sibling project, I wouldn't think twice, but so much has changed and I don't know if they'll ever be ready to or be able to have a second journey.. and I truly and honestly don't think I could do this without THEM - they're what is making this journey so amazing - they're who makes me so proud to be a surrogate! I don't know, I guess only time will tell....
So, today was also a great day because I signed up to walk at a pancreatic cancer fundraiser on September 10th in Boston at the Franklin Park Zoo. All the proceeds we raise will benefit The Pancreatic Cancer Action Network.
TWO MORE WEEKS until our gender scan - I am so excited!! Do you think it will be a boy or a girl? Comment with your guess, I'd love to know what it is!!!
We had a wonderful day there, we ordered pizza and just spent time chatting - the kids loved playing with their pug, Lucy! Then we went to a farm and had homemade ice cream - YUM! I wish today never ended!!
Nain was so helpful, even though I am sure it was hard for him, being on chemo and medications and dealing with cancer on a daily basis is no easy stroll, so I was amazed to see him hosting while we were at their house - he is just too good of a guy to sit down and let others take care of him all the time. And of course Kate was great! They're such wonderful people, I don't think I could be any more happier or more lucky to have found such amazing peope to experience this journey with - I sometimes wonder if I will have another "calling" to help another family... I had always told my hubby that if these Kate and Nain asked for a sibling project, I wouldn't think twice, but so much has changed and I don't know if they'll ever be ready to or be able to have a second journey.. and I truly and honestly don't think I could do this without THEM - they're what is making this journey so amazing - they're who makes me so proud to be a surrogate! I don't know, I guess only time will tell....
So, today was also a great day because I signed up to walk at a pancreatic cancer fundraiser on September 10th in Boston at the Franklin Park Zoo. All the proceeds we raise will benefit The Pancreatic Cancer Action Network.
TWO MORE WEEKS until our gender scan - I am so excited!! Do you think it will be a boy or a girl? Comment with your guess, I'd love to know what it is!!!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
17 Weeks and going!
I went to the doctor this past week for a baby check, everything is looking amazing! My uterus is measuring right where it should be, right below my belly button and the baby's heartbeat is perfect! The doctor even let me record it and I forwarded it to Kate!! :)
We go on the 7th for an ultrasound, and hopefully this baby is not shy and gives us a show! I cannot wait!! But even before that, we're going to Kate and Nain's house in a week and a half to hang out with them and have ice cream from a local farm! They still have not yet met Alianna and Angelina (and Dominic definitely uses it to his advantage "haha, I know them and YOU don't!"). We're so excited - cannot wait!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Just realized..
I just realized I never posted this ultrasond photo from our 8wk appointment! Or the picture of my belly at 10 weeks - I REALLY am a slacker!!!!
A month and a half..
Wow! I cannot believe it has been so long since my last post - I definitely am not a good blogger - opps! But here I am, finally so let's see what has been going on..
I am now almost 14 weeks pregnant.. 13wks5days to be exact, and the baby is doing wonderful as of the last appointment.. he/she is really starting to look like a real baby now and has a nice strong heartbeat!!
Here is the ultrasound picture from 11wks4days:
My belly is starting to show and I definitely prefer maternity clothes or very loose fitting clothes rather than my favorite jeans.. Although I say I am showing, I don't think others can notice it, unless they know about the pregnancy - to the outsider, I probably just look obese - but that's ok.. soon, the world will notice.
Kate is doing wonderful and getting excited about how she'll be able to start buying things for her baby soon.. she cannot wait to find out if she is having a daughter or son and only several more weeks until we can find out!! Do you have a guess on what the baby is??!! I always tend to call the baby a "him", but I really do think it is going to be a beautiful little girl.. soon we'll know for sure!
Nain is doing as well as expected - a few weeks ago he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer - a very aggressive cancer - he just started treatment this week and we're all praying, wishing and hoping for the best possible outcome - he is an amazing man and is going to be an even more amazing daddy! I am hoping the baby gives him the motivation he needs to push forward and beat the odds!
Me.. I have been ok.. the morning sickness is subsiding a bit but I've been getting weak lately and have had some shortness of breathe still, I get full after 2-3 bites and I am super lazy and still emotional as ever.. I also have some lower pelvic pain.. not cramping, but just pressure. I remember having it later on with my pregnancies, but never this early on, but the doctor did say my uterus is very forward so I am sure that has to do with it. I have also been trying to stay relaxed and stressed free, but evertything going on with Nain is bothering me more than I should let it.. I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry, but that's only because I love them both so much and I so badly want them to be best little happy family ever.. and it hurts so much to know how they have to go through right now, and how it is taking away from the happiness of their soon-to-be-parenthoodness :( But I know they're both strong people and they've both already beat so many odds, what's one more - if anyone can do it, he can!!
Welll, that's all I have for now, please keep us in your prayers! And I will try to be much better and update more soon!
I am now almost 14 weeks pregnant.. 13wks5days to be exact, and the baby is doing wonderful as of the last appointment.. he/she is really starting to look like a real baby now and has a nice strong heartbeat!!
Here is the ultrasound picture from 11wks4days:
Kate is doing wonderful and getting excited about how she'll be able to start buying things for her baby soon.. she cannot wait to find out if she is having a daughter or son and only several more weeks until we can find out!! Do you have a guess on what the baby is??!! I always tend to call the baby a "him", but I really do think it is going to be a beautiful little girl.. soon we'll know for sure!
Nain is doing as well as expected - a few weeks ago he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer - a very aggressive cancer - he just started treatment this week and we're all praying, wishing and hoping for the best possible outcome - he is an amazing man and is going to be an even more amazing daddy! I am hoping the baby gives him the motivation he needs to push forward and beat the odds!
Me.. I have been ok.. the morning sickness is subsiding a bit but I've been getting weak lately and have had some shortness of breathe still, I get full after 2-3 bites and I am super lazy and still emotional as ever.. I also have some lower pelvic pain.. not cramping, but just pressure. I remember having it later on with my pregnancies, but never this early on, but the doctor did say my uterus is very forward so I am sure that has to do with it. I have also been trying to stay relaxed and stressed free, but evertything going on with Nain is bothering me more than I should let it.. I'd be lying if I said I didn't worry, but that's only because I love them both so much and I so badly want them to be best little happy family ever.. and it hurts so much to know how they have to go through right now, and how it is taking away from the happiness of their soon-to-be-parenthoodness :( But I know they're both strong people and they've both already beat so many odds, what's one more - if anyone can do it, he can!!
Welll, that's all I have for now, please keep us in your prayers! And I will try to be much better and update more soon!
Friday, June 3, 2011
M.I.A.
Wow! I have been TOTALLY missing in action! Lots have happened, let's get you updated!
May 26th - 5wks6days - Ultrasound Day!! I arrived to Boston a little early because I was so excited, nervous and just couldn't wait another moment. Kate and Nain got there shortly after I did and then it was wait.. wait.. wait in the waiting room - while we waited, Kate and I were nervous...Nain seemed perfectly fine - I wish I had his calmness!
Once the three of us were put in a room, they quickly started an abdominal ultrasound - we seen one embryonic sac but no matter the angle the tech tried to get, the sac looked empty. The tech stated she was going to go check with the attending radiologist to get his option - UMM - SCARY, I couldn't help but think something was wrong! When she cambe back, I was instructed to get undressed from the waist down so a transvaginal (probe) ultrasound could be performed, hopefully getting a better picture of my uterus and what is inside, and that the attending would be joining us.
With the probe being done, I was unable to view the screen so I tried to just look at IM and read her face.. she still looked confused and mouthed to me that all she seen was a sac and she started to say something to me and the ultrasound said the best words ever "there is the heartbeat!".
We have a singleton, with a heart beat! As much as I was hoping to carry twins for this amazing couple, I am just so happy that we, so far, have one healthy looking singleton! He/she is a little achiever too, heartbeats are not always detected this early on!
May 27th - 6wks - I started bleeding - bright red, and what I considered to be a lot. I did not have much cramping and I wasn't passing anything but it was definitely scary none the less - I never realized how much more nervous I would become carrying someone else's child vs my own, but I feel like the health of this child relies deeply on me so when I seen I was bleeding, I started to freak out - I quickly texted IM - who was in Mexico at the time vacationing - I hated to bother them.
May 28th - 6wks1day - After discussing it with IM and the on-call doctor, I decided to go to my local ER. They did a pelvic exam, blood work to check my HCG as well as an ultrasound - the ultrasound did show the sac, fetal pole and a heartbeat - phew! and my HCG levels seemed good and they discharged me saying I was not "having a miscarriage today but keep on the lookout". Since then, I have no had any more bleeding or cramps - just soreness, probably from the ultrasounds.
So - it has been an up and down rollercoaster, but so far, we're high in the sky and hopefully that is where we will staty!
Our next ultrasound on June 10th and it couldn't come any faster!
May 26th - 5wks6days - Ultrasound Day!! I arrived to Boston a little early because I was so excited, nervous and just couldn't wait another moment. Kate and Nain got there shortly after I did and then it was wait.. wait.. wait in the waiting room - while we waited, Kate and I were nervous...Nain seemed perfectly fine - I wish I had his calmness!
Once the three of us were put in a room, they quickly started an abdominal ultrasound - we seen one embryonic sac but no matter the angle the tech tried to get, the sac looked empty. The tech stated she was going to go check with the attending radiologist to get his option - UMM - SCARY, I couldn't help but think something was wrong! When she cambe back, I was instructed to get undressed from the waist down so a transvaginal (probe) ultrasound could be performed, hopefully getting a better picture of my uterus and what is inside, and that the attending would be joining us.
With the probe being done, I was unable to view the screen so I tried to just look at IM and read her face.. she still looked confused and mouthed to me that all she seen was a sac and she started to say something to me and the ultrasound said the best words ever "there is the heartbeat!".
May 27th - 6wks - I started bleeding - bright red, and what I considered to be a lot. I did not have much cramping and I wasn't passing anything but it was definitely scary none the less - I never realized how much more nervous I would become carrying someone else's child vs my own, but I feel like the health of this child relies deeply on me so when I seen I was bleeding, I started to freak out - I quickly texted IM - who was in Mexico at the time vacationing - I hated to bother them.
May 28th - 6wks1day - After discussing it with IM and the on-call doctor, I decided to go to my local ER. They did a pelvic exam, blood work to check my HCG as well as an ultrasound - the ultrasound did show the sac, fetal pole and a heartbeat - phew! and my HCG levels seemed good and they discharged me saying I was not "having a miscarriage today but keep on the lookout". Since then, I have no had any more bleeding or cramps - just soreness, probably from the ultrasounds.
So - it has been an up and down rollercoaster, but so far, we're high in the sky and hopefully that is where we will staty!
Our next ultrasound on June 10th and it couldn't come any faster!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
BETA #2
1104!!
I cannot believe it!! They were hoping for it to be atleast 766 and we definitely went beyond it! I am so exicted! I was honestly more nervous today than I was on Monday but not I feel absolutely fantastic.
Our first ultrasound is next Thursday at 11am! I can't believe that in 8 days we'll find out if I am carrying one or two little ones!
This whole thing is just AMAZING and I am so glad to be a part of it with Kate and Nain! I could not be any happier!
Monday, May 16, 2011
BETA #1
I have been so nervous during these two weeks since the transfer - yes, I did have over 20 positive HPTs, but I think it is just natural to worry, it's such an emotional journey and you're hoping, praying and waiting so long to help make their dreams to come true - so I was just worried, worried my number would be low, that I would fail that I wouldn't make them the parents they wanted to be.
I went to the lab at 7am for blood work this morning and at 10:48am my cell phone rang.. I looked at it and it said "Bridgams" - I never got up so fast to answer the phone, I said "Hello" and it was our nurse - and she said she had good news, my Beta was 462!! She said how it was a wonderful number and that I am definitely pregnant and how happy she is and how she even was crying! She is definitley in the right field - she is BEYOND amazing!
So yes, I am PREGNANT! I do need to go back Wednesday for my 2nd Beta and they want to see the numbers go up by 66%. Hurry up Wednesday!
Kate is thrilled! She texted me twice while I was on the phone with the nurse - one was just "OMG! OMG! OMG!" :) I feel so bad that she is sitting through a boring seminar today - I am pretty sure she is not learning a thing! She also cried, I cried - we're all just so happy! I hope Wednesday's results make us even happier!
SOOOO now we're wondering if it's one baby or twins!?! hmmmm!
I went to the lab at 7am for blood work this morning and at 10:48am my cell phone rang.. I looked at it and it said "Bridgams" - I never got up so fast to answer the phone, I said "Hello" and it was our nurse - and she said she had good news, my Beta was 462!! She said how it was a wonderful number and that I am definitely pregnant and how happy she is and how she even was crying! She is definitley in the right field - she is BEYOND amazing!
So yes, I am PREGNANT! I do need to go back Wednesday for my 2nd Beta and they want to see the numbers go up by 66%. Hurry up Wednesday!
Kate is thrilled! She texted me twice while I was on the phone with the nurse - one was just "OMG! OMG! OMG!" :) I feel so bad that she is sitting through a boring seminar today - I am pretty sure she is not learning a thing! She also cried, I cried - we're all just so happy! I hope Wednesday's results make us even happier!
SOOOO now we're wondering if it's one baby or twins!?! hmmmm!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
The darker, the better!
Sooo.. as you can see above, the line is getting darker by the day! That means more HCG is being detected, which is absolutely GREAT!
Kate and Nain are beyond excited - I told them yesterday, 8dp3dt, because the day before, even though I did see a very faint line, I was still unsure, but yesterday, I felt much better about the line really being there.
It just so happens that yesterday was Mother's Day in Mexico - where Nain is from and were they met! It couldn't have been any more perfect <3
Let's just keep our fingers crossed and hope the lines continue to get darker and all goes well at my appointment on Monday the 16th!!!
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
I am a slacker!
So sorry I have been slacking so much.. I guess I have been soooo busy peeing that I haven't had much time for blogging.
I can't remember what day I first POAS (pee-on-a-stick) but I think it was 3dp3dt (3 days past 3 day transfer) and it was negative. I believe it was 5dp3dt that I started peeing twice, all of a sudden, I cannot just pee without POAS. If I did, I'd totally feel like I am wasting pee! Ahhhh! It is sooo addicting!
So today is 7dp3dt and I am still hopeful since it is still very early, according to some research I did, 3dayers don't implant until day 4-5. But there are two girls in my May transfer forum group that did get BFPs already! Soooo happy for them!
I can't wait to see my BFP :) Say those prayers people!
I can't remember what day I first POAS (pee-on-a-stick) but I think it was 3dp3dt (3 days past 3 day transfer) and it was negative. I believe it was 5dp3dt that I started peeing twice, all of a sudden, I cannot just pee without POAS. If I did, I'd totally feel like I am wasting pee! Ahhhh! It is sooo addicting!
So today is 7dp3dt and I am still hopeful since it is still very early, according to some research I did, 3dayers don't implant until day 4-5. But there are two girls in my May transfer forum group that did get BFPs already! Soooo happy for them!
I can't wait to see my BFP :) Say those prayers people!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Needed: Sticky Vibes
So today was the B-I-G day! Transfer Day!
I had to be in Boston for 7:30am, with a full bladder (BOO!) and the procedure was scheduled for 8:30am.
When I arrived Kate and Nain were already in the waiting room and looked happy as always, you'd never know if either of them had one bit of nervousness in them, they are just ALWAYS smiling! After checking in with the nurse I went to sit with them in the waiting room until our names were called.
The news was on and it was talking all about the death of Osama Bin Laden.. Kate made a comment about how there are always huge stories at our important meetings, the day of our screenings there was also a shooting and then her retrieval was the day of the Royal Wedding! I hope all that brings us good luck!
While sitting there, Kate handed me a gift bag - a present for my upcoming birthday!! As much as I don't like opening gifts in front of people, I was so excited to look in the bag, not to mention it's was my first 29th birthday gift!
Inside the bag was:
Once my name was called, I went in the back and I was able to change into a johnny and hospital socks (which i brought home and I'm currently wearing!). I had some blood work done to check my progesterone level (which is right on target). Kate was also able to come back with me, she wore scrubs, a hat, shoe booties and a mask - she looked like a doctor! The ivf doctor came and greeted us. He told Kate her embryos looked good, one was 7 cells and the other was 6 cells! Woohoo! I was not too fond of him, he wasnt the most friendliest guy at first but as long as he knows how to put an embryo in a uterus, that's all that really matters.
Shortly after I was able to go back to the procedure room. I put my legs in the highest stirrups I have ever seen in my life! My knees were almost at my ears. The ultrasound guy put cold jelly on my belly and looked at my uterus (and extremely full bladder) while the doctor inserted the speculum. The doctor put in an empty catheter.. I assume its to be sure it goes in smoothly where it is suppose to go... then he put in the real catheter that had the two embryos in it.. they were hanging out in solution.. and he shot them right in my uterus.. Kate was able to watch on the ultrasound screen and said it looked like "shooting stars"! I definitely had a tear or two, I am sure noone noticed though. They gave Kate a picture of the embryos shooting in and another of the actual embryos from before the procedure - she looked at those photos over and over again like she was looking at a picture of a newborn, you could just tell how happy she felt!
And that was it! The procedure was less than 10 minutes! So quick! The most uncomfortable part, besides the bladder, was the jelly that I had to leave on my belly for over 10 minutess, it ended up getting on my johnny and rubbing all over the place, it was soooo cold but they didnt want me to rub my belly for at least 10 minutes. The procedure itself was painless!
After that we hugged goodbye and said how surreal it is that I am walking around with their embryos inside my uterus.
Now I am just hanging out on the couch just relaxing. When Angelina came home from school she came right up to me and kissed my forehead and asked how I was feeling - she'll be such a good surrosister :) She also immediately understood the significance of the kangaroo! Alianna, who doesn't know what is going on yet, doesn't really understand, I did attempt to tell her about how Kate does not have a uterus and cannot hold a baby in her belly and I am hoping to help her and all she said was "i don't get it" and ran off to play. There's a book I want to buy called The Kangaroo Pouch that will hopefully explain everything for Dominic and Alianna but I am trying to wait until the BFP (big fat positive!) but I am so tempted to buy it now!! You know what, I am.. I cannot wait any longer.. off to Amazon.com.. 'til next time!
Oh.. I should quickly exlain this post's title.. sticky vibes are needed.. the embryos are now in my uterus but they need to attach themself to my uterus wall/lining and stay holding on!! Sticky.. Attach.. Sticky... Attach.. get it? So send me sticky vibes! :) Or any praying will do!! The more the merrier!
I had to be in Boston for 7:30am, with a full bladder (BOO!) and the procedure was scheduled for 8:30am.
When I arrived Kate and Nain were already in the waiting room and looked happy as always, you'd never know if either of them had one bit of nervousness in them, they are just ALWAYS smiling! After checking in with the nurse I went to sit with them in the waiting room until our names were called.
The news was on and it was talking all about the death of Osama Bin Laden.. Kate made a comment about how there are always huge stories at our important meetings, the day of our screenings there was also a shooting and then her retrieval was the day of the Royal Wedding! I hope all that brings us good luck!
While sitting there, Kate handed me a gift bag - a present for my upcoming birthday!! As much as I don't like opening gifts in front of people, I was so excited to look in the bag, not to mention it's was my first 29th birthday gift!
Inside the bag was:
- A smoothing foot lotion, spa socks, and nail file kit - perfect for having Kenny pamper me while taking it easy after the transfer!
- Some milk chocolate truffles- they must not think I am plump enough yet :)
- and my all time favorite - a charm for my pandora.. but not just any charm, the most perfect charm ever - a Kangaroo!!! I cannot stop looking at it!
Once my name was called, I went in the back and I was able to change into a johnny and hospital socks (which i brought home and I'm currently wearing!). I had some blood work done to check my progesterone level (which is right on target). Kate was also able to come back with me, she wore scrubs, a hat, shoe booties and a mask - she looked like a doctor! The ivf doctor came and greeted us. He told Kate her embryos looked good, one was 7 cells and the other was 6 cells! Woohoo! I was not too fond of him, he wasnt the most friendliest guy at first but as long as he knows how to put an embryo in a uterus, that's all that really matters.
Shortly after I was able to go back to the procedure room. I put my legs in the highest stirrups I have ever seen in my life! My knees were almost at my ears. The ultrasound guy put cold jelly on my belly and looked at my uterus (and extremely full bladder) while the doctor inserted the speculum. The doctor put in an empty catheter.. I assume its to be sure it goes in smoothly where it is suppose to go... then he put in the real catheter that had the two embryos in it.. they were hanging out in solution.. and he shot them right in my uterus.. Kate was able to watch on the ultrasound screen and said it looked like "shooting stars"! I definitely had a tear or two, I am sure noone noticed though. They gave Kate a picture of the embryos shooting in and another of the actual embryos from before the procedure - she looked at those photos over and over again like she was looking at a picture of a newborn, you could just tell how happy she felt!
And that was it! The procedure was less than 10 minutes! So quick! The most uncomfortable part, besides the bladder, was the jelly that I had to leave on my belly for over 10 minutess, it ended up getting on my johnny and rubbing all over the place, it was soooo cold but they didnt want me to rub my belly for at least 10 minutes. The procedure itself was painless!
After that we hugged goodbye and said how surreal it is that I am walking around with their embryos inside my uterus.
Now I am just hanging out on the couch just relaxing. When Angelina came home from school she came right up to me and kissed my forehead and asked how I was feeling - she'll be such a good surrosister :) She also immediately understood the significance of the kangaroo! Alianna, who doesn't know what is going on yet, doesn't really understand, I did attempt to tell her about how Kate does not have a uterus and cannot hold a baby in her belly and I am hoping to help her and all she said was "i don't get it" and ran off to play. There's a book I want to buy called The Kangaroo Pouch that will hopefully explain everything for Dominic and Alianna but I am trying to wait until the BFP (big fat positive!) but I am so tempted to buy it now!! You know what, I am.. I cannot wait any longer.. off to Amazon.com.. 'til next time!
Oh.. I should quickly exlain this post's title.. sticky vibes are needed.. the embryos are now in my uterus but they need to attach themself to my uterus wall/lining and stay holding on!! Sticky.. Attach.. Sticky... Attach.. get it? So send me sticky vibes! :) Or any praying will do!! The more the merrier!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
We have three!
Great news! All three eggs fertilized! We have three embryos!
Transfer will be on Monday, I will not know the exact time of the appointment until tomorow but I do know that me and Kate are beyond excited.
Kenny is taking the day off of work on Monday thankfully since I am unable to drive home from the clinic on my own. I'll have to relax the day of the transfer and the following day, but I'll probably be ok to move more around on Wednesday which is my 29th birthday!!
Everyone always asks how long it will take to find out if I am pregnant.. and to answer that question I'll most likely have a blood test 2 weeks after the transfer - I will take home tests as well, but sometimes they can have errors. Yes, these 2 weeks will go by very slowly!!! Hopefully everyone wants to keep me company! Or I have lots of books to read
Transfer will be on Monday, I will not know the exact time of the appointment until tomorow but I do know that me and Kate are beyond excited.
Kenny is taking the day off of work on Monday thankfully since I am unable to drive home from the clinic on my own. I'll have to relax the day of the transfer and the following day, but I'll probably be ok to move more around on Wednesday which is my 29th birthday!!
Everyone always asks how long it will take to find out if I am pregnant.. and to answer that question I'll most likely have a blood test 2 weeks after the transfer - I will take home tests as well, but sometimes they can have errors. Yes, these 2 weeks will go by very slowly!!! Hopefully everyone wants to keep me company! Or I have lots of books to read
30 Days of Blogging - Day #22. 23, and 24
Day 22-Favorite city
This is easy - NONE! I totally dislike cities. I am not a city girl. I do not like NYC at all and I hope to never go back! Providence.. ehhh.. I suppose I can deal with but Boston is another city I cannot stand. I like green grass, and tress, curvey streets without traffic and cattle in people's yards.. I would happily live on a farm for the rest of my life and never enter a city again!
Day 23-Favorite vacation
I don't have much to choose from, but last year we did go to Virginia Beach for cheerleading. Angelina drove down with another cheer mom, Alianna and Dominic stayed with my mom so Kenny and I drove down alone - I was sooo paranoid driving over the Cheasapeaka Bay bridge but I ended up loving it.. we were even rebels and stopped on it to take a few quick pictures! Virginia was beautiful - we loved walking the strip and enjoying the beach, it was only a quick weekend trip - but I loved it and I hope we can go back one day.
Day 24-Something you’ve learned
I have learned to just be myself, because that is what I am best at. :)
Friday, April 29, 2011
Eggs, Sperm and Shots!
Yay! Kate had her retrieval today!! She had 4 follicles, but only 3 had an egg - one was empty - and Nain's sperm was great so now our fingers are crossed that all three will fertilize nicely - The clinic is thinking of doing a 2 day transfer instead of a 3 day since they rather just hurry and get them in my uterus and since there's only 3 eggs, it doesn't make much sense waiting to see which are the best quality. That means we could be transferring on Sunday, May 1st instead of Monday, May 2nd! We'll still only transfer 2 and freeze the 3rd.
This morning was my last dose of Lurpon and I started the progesterone-in-oil (PIO) tonight.. OUCH! I hope I get use to this quickly! My lovely husband, who has been saying this whole time that he would do my PIO for me, happened to fall asleep so instead of waking him, I decided to attempt the shot my self but did have to end up waking Kenny up with the needle stuck in but just there.. I couldn't seem to get a good hold so I could push it in.. I never realized how arkward it is to twist around and give yourself a shot in the behind.. I think it would be easier if I didn't have boobs which just get in the way! Kenny did ok, but I don't think I'll ask him again, he ripped the needle out of me so fast and caused alot of bleeding.. oh well atleast day 1 of PIO is done.. YAY! It can only get easier now, right?!
This morning was my last dose of Lurpon and I started the progesterone-in-oil (PIO) tonight.. OUCH! I hope I get use to this quickly! My lovely husband, who has been saying this whole time that he would do my PIO for me, happened to fall asleep so instead of waking him, I decided to attempt the shot my self but did have to end up waking Kenny up with the needle stuck in but just there.. I couldn't seem to get a good hold so I could push it in.. I never realized how arkward it is to twist around and give yourself a shot in the behind.. I think it would be easier if I didn't have boobs which just get in the way! Kenny did ok, but I don't think I'll ask him again, he ripped the needle out of me so fast and caused alot of bleeding.. oh well atleast day 1 of PIO is done.. YAY! It can only get easier now, right?!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
MONDAY!!!
Monday is the day!!
The nurse from the clinic called me today and Monday is looking like baby making day :)
Kate's ultrasound looked great today.. she definitely had 4 good follicles and maybe more! She is doing her trigger shot tonight and her retrievel (and Nain's ehm-ehm) is scheduled for Friday at 12:45pm!!! I am hoping and hoping they get some really good eggs that want to grow in to a beautiful baby!
My details....
Friday morning is the last time I need to stab myself in my belly aka give myself Lupron!
but then I start my PIO (Progesterone in oil) Friday evening - YIKES!! That is the B-I-G shot in my butt that I have to trust Kenny to do.. I wonder if I trust him, I better start being reallllllyyyy nice to him! Or, if anyone else wants to come to my house nightly to give me a shot, I'm taking applications!
I will stay on my 3 tablets of estrace in the AM and in the PM.
Just waiting for the call on Sunday to tell me what time to be in Boston on Monday!!
OMG! This is it! It is really it! Soooo I decided to celebrate since we finally have a date - I went shopping to buy some things..
..just a few to get me started....
The nurse from the clinic called me today and Monday is looking like baby making day :)
Kate's ultrasound looked great today.. she definitely had 4 good follicles and maybe more! She is doing her trigger shot tonight and her retrievel (and Nain's ehm-ehm) is scheduled for Friday at 12:45pm!!! I am hoping and hoping they get some really good eggs that want to grow in to a beautiful baby!
My details....
Friday morning is the last time I need to stab myself in my belly aka give myself Lupron!
but then I start my PIO (Progesterone in oil) Friday evening - YIKES!! That is the B-I-G shot in my butt that I have to trust Kenny to do.. I wonder if I trust him, I better start being reallllllyyyy nice to him! Or, if anyone else wants to come to my house nightly to give me a shot, I'm taking applications!
I will stay on my 3 tablets of estrace in the AM and in the PM.
Just waiting for the call on Sunday to tell me what time to be in Boston on Monday!!
OMG! This is it! It is really it! Soooo I decided to celebrate since we finally have a date - I went shopping to buy some things..
..just a few to get me started....
30 Days of Blogging - Day #21
Day 21-Picture of yourself
Here is a picture of me at a friend's wedding - it isn't the greatest picture but I choose it for several reasons:
1) It is a rare occasion to see me with my hair up
2) It is a rarer occasion to see me in a dress
3) This was the first wedding I've been too (well, besides my parent's when I was 7 and my sister's when I was 15)
4) The venue used to be a place I visited often as a child, Bobby's Rollerway!
5) and because I think I look pretty cute :)
Kenny and I had a great time at this wedding! It was a nice few hours without kids, and totally fun to get dressed up and hang out with friends. I can't wait until our next wedding!! We actually have three that we're 'saving the date' for!!
In August my cousin is getting married in Florida! Kenny and I will go without kids for a weekend for the first time ever! I couldn't be more excited!
In September my friend is getting married here in RI and I know it's going to be absolutely perfect!
and thennnnnn May of next year, I WILL be a bridesmaid at one of my best friend's wedding! First time ever being a bridesmaid!! Can you say SUPER EXCITED?!
I think more of my friends need to get married!!
1) It is a rare occasion to see me with my hair up
2) It is a rarer occasion to see me in a dress
3) This was the first wedding I've been too (well, besides my parent's when I was 7 and my sister's when I was 15)
4) The venue used to be a place I visited often as a child, Bobby's Rollerway!
5) and because I think I look pretty cute :)
Kenny and I had a great time at this wedding! It was a nice few hours without kids, and totally fun to get dressed up and hang out with friends. I can't wait until our next wedding!! We actually have three that we're 'saving the date' for!!
In August my cousin is getting married in Florida! Kenny and I will go without kids for a weekend for the first time ever! I couldn't be more excited!
In September my friend is getting married here in RI and I know it's going to be absolutely perfect!
and thennnnnn May of next year, I WILL be a bridesmaid at one of my best friend's wedding! First time ever being a bridesmaid!! Can you say SUPER EXCITED?!
I think more of my friends need to get married!!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday Maybe!?!
SOOO!! Kate went for her ultrasound and blood testing this morning and she goes back tomorrow morning but it looks like she'll be taking her trigger shot TOMORROW and having the egg retrievel on FRIDAY!! Which of course would mean two cutie-patootie embryos will be transfered in to me on MONDAY!!!
MONDAY!! Can you believe it?! I sure can't!! Ahh - fingers crossed that all goes well this week and weekend!! Ahh, the day is finally coming :)
MONDAY!! Can you believe it?! I sure can't!! Ahh - fingers crossed that all goes well this week and weekend!! Ahh, the day is finally coming :)
30 Days of Blogging - Day #20
Day 20-Nicknames
I can't remember if I had a nickname when I was a baby or young girl.. the first nickname I ever remember was in 5th and 6th grade.. it was "C.T.".. it came about one day when my name was on the board (for good reasons!) and after Mr. Blackwell erased it the letters C and T stayed up for a couple days (we didn't use the board that often) and so I became known as "C.T.".
In junior high I graduated to being called "Cheeks".. and no, not after my non-existed butt, the cheeks on my face!.. everyone always said I have chubby cheeks and it just stuck!
Back in 1998 or so, Kenny began calling me "Coco"... that is the most used nickname for me. If Kenny calls me "Courtney" it is a RARE occasion. I am even known as "Coco" around Superior :)
I wonder what my next nickname will be :)
I can't remember if I had a nickname when I was a baby or young girl.. the first nickname I ever remember was in 5th and 6th grade.. it was "C.T.".. it came about one day when my name was on the board (for good reasons!) and after Mr. Blackwell erased it the letters C and T stayed up for a couple days (we didn't use the board that often) and so I became known as "C.T.".
In junior high I graduated to being called "Cheeks".. and no, not after my non-existed butt, the cheeks on my face!.. everyone always said I have chubby cheeks and it just stuck!
Back in 1998 or so, Kenny began calling me "Coco"... that is the most used nickname for me. If Kenny calls me "Courtney" it is a RARE occasion. I am even known as "Coco" around Superior :)
I wonder what my next nickname will be :)
Monday, April 25, 2011
Back on track
Finally, an update about the surrogacy! There were a few days with some uncertainty but we're finally getting back on track! Kate is doing well. Her estrogen levels are going up and up! She had another ultrasound today (she has been having them every other day) and she has follicles growing, 3 measurable ones and 2 smaller ones to be exact! She has, of course, another ultrasound tomorrow and they're thinking her trigger day will be in 1-2 days!! Triggering is getting a shot to send the eggs into the last stage of maturity before retrieval and then the retrieval happens around 36 hours after trigger day! And since we're planning to do a 3 day fresh transfer, that means, as Kate stated, I may be knocked up for my May 4th birthday ;) !
I am so happy that things are starting to look much more promising! How happy? So happy that I don't mind if I am on bedrest for my birthday! Let's have a baby... or two!!
I am so happy that things are starting to look much more promising! How happy? So happy that I don't mind if I am on bedrest for my birthday! Let's have a baby... or two!!
30 Days of Blogging - Day #16. 17, 18 and 19
Day 16-Dream house
I don't have a picture of my 'dream house'. My 'dream house' isn't about location or features. More important than the 4 bedroom, marble kitchen with island and counter top stove and trash compactor (I always wanted one of those), pocket doors throughout, rec/game/play room in the basement, master bedroom with master bath with amazing jacuzzi above a three car heated garage, farmer's porch, veggie garden, horse barn and inground pool (and pool house) that I would LOVE to have, the 'things' inside the house that can not be purchased or fabricated.. such as my family.. are more important to me. My family members are all that truly matters. I don't care if we're living in a shack (ok, maybe I care a little bit) or a Newport mansion, we can turn anything into my dream house as long as we have each other.
Day 17-Something you’re looking forward to
Silly question.. I am looking forward to enjoying this journey!! Wow, this was my shortest answer so far :)
Day 18-Something you regret
No regrets here. Of course there are things I would change if I had a do-over, things I would think more thoroughly through but instead of sitting and listing or dweeling about all the things I would change, I just think of all the choices that brought me to this point in my life.. in Rhode Island (still), married to Kenny, a mom of three.. even though I didn't always make the best desisions, I made the decisions I thought were right for me at that time.. like the quotes "Never regret what once made you smile" or "There are no regrets in life, just lesson".
Day 19-Something you miss
Day 18-Something you regret
No regrets here. Of course there are things I would change if I had a do-over, things I would think more thoroughly through but instead of sitting and listing or dweeling about all the things I would change, I just think of all the choices that brought me to this point in my life.. in Rhode Island (still), married to Kenny, a mom of three.. even though I didn't always make the best desisions, I made the decisions I thought were right for me at that time.. like the quotes "Never regret what once made you smile" or "There are no regrets in life, just lesson".
Day 19-Something you miss
I miss being young. Living life with no worries, no responsibilities. The biggest thing I worried about was my mom getting mad at me because I didn't put all my toys away. No working, no bills, no one depending on me.. I don't know why kids and teenages seem to be rushing to grow up - young is fun!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
30 Days of Blogging - Day #15
Day 15-Bible verse
Mark 10:6-9
Jesus said, “From the beginning of creation, `God made them male and female.' `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
It was differcult for me to pick just one.. I went back and forth with decided which one to quote, but I ended up picking this one.. this verse was one that the priest recited at my church ceremony and I absolutely love it. Kenny and I are one, and no matter when we disagree and argue about, we were not joined together by chance, we were joined together for a reason, and "what god has joined together, let no one separate."
Others I considered....
Anything in Genesis
Corinthians 13
Luke 21
Mark 10:6-9
Jesus said, “From the beginning of creation, `God made them male and female.' `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
It was differcult for me to pick just one.. I went back and forth with decided which one to quote, but I ended up picking this one.. this verse was one that the priest recited at my church ceremony and I absolutely love it. Kenny and I are one, and no matter when we disagree and argue about, we were not joined together by chance, we were joined together for a reason, and "what god has joined together, let no one separate."
Others I considered....
Anything in Genesis
Corinthians 13
Luke 21
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
30 Days of Blogging - Day #14
Day 14-A picture you love
I absolutely LOVE any photo like this - I really want to get a good camera and start making my own pictures like these! I have never been too crafty and if it was possible to fail art class, I would have been the first to do so - but this.. this I think I could do!
I absolutely LOVE any photo like this - I really want to get a good camera and start making my own pictures like these! I have never been too crafty and if it was possible to fail art class, I would have been the first to do so - but this.. this I think I could do!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
30 Days of Blogging - Day #13
Day 13-Goals
Goals.. we all have them.. I try to set mine realistically so that I have a better chance of achieving them but one goal I set a while ago, I am still nowhere reaching and that would be completing nursing school. It is so hard to find the time to go and to study.. or at least that is my excuse.. I know that many mothers do it on a daily basis and it will pay off in the long run.. I truly hope I can find the time and motivation to get back to school soon! Another problem that is holding me back, besides the time, is sometimes I doubt that the nursing field is right for me.. I also think I would enjoy the radiology field.. I also have a huge interest in human services and would love to do counseling with either substance abusers or children who've been abused but all I ever hear about is how it's not worth it, when it comes down to the amount of time spent in school and the starting salary.. but I realize that, I am not interested in the field to become rich, I am interested in helping others!
Other goals.. buy our first house, become debt free (minus the house I just mentioned), become a godmother, to travel out of the US, and most importantly to raise my children to be respectful, loving, honest and eager to succeed in life.
Goals.. we all have them.. I try to set mine realistically so that I have a better chance of achieving them but one goal I set a while ago, I am still nowhere reaching and that would be completing nursing school. It is so hard to find the time to go and to study.. or at least that is my excuse.. I know that many mothers do it on a daily basis and it will pay off in the long run.. I truly hope I can find the time and motivation to get back to school soon! Another problem that is holding me back, besides the time, is sometimes I doubt that the nursing field is right for me.. I also think I would enjoy the radiology field.. I also have a huge interest in human services and would love to do counseling with either substance abusers or children who've been abused but all I ever hear about is how it's not worth it, when it comes down to the amount of time spent in school and the starting salary.. but I realize that, I am not interested in the field to become rich, I am interested in helping others!
Other goals.. buy our first house, become debt free (minus the house I just mentioned), become a godmother, to travel out of the US, and most importantly to raise my children to be respectful, loving, honest and eager to succeed in life.
Feeling down..
I just seem to be in a funk these past few days.. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the medications and all the extra hormones running through my body.. or maybe its the fact that Angelina is in Florida without me for almost 2 weeks, or it could be how Kate is responding to her medications a little slower than the doctor would like.. Let me take a moment to further explain all my feelings...
Medications.. self explanatory.. I am still on the same meds.. just waiting :)
Florida.. Angelina left last Thursday and hopefully will be home next Tuesday. She is there for the biggest cheerleading competition of the year! I almost didn't send her. I knew I couldn't go.. it was too close to the expected transfer date and I didn't want to risk throwing the whole cycle off track. Angelina was so upset when I told her we could not go. But thankfully, one of the cheer moms offered to bring Angelina along with her. I was so hesitant at first and I said no. I just didn't feel like I could be without her for that long, and I didn't think it was a good idea for her to travel so far without me or Kenny. Yes, Angelina has slept out, sometimes multiple days in a row, but always within 20 minutes from me, if she missed me, or got scared, or God forbid, was injured, I could quickly be there for her.. but how can I let her go from Rhode Island to Florida without me?
I knew how upset Angelina was, and the cheer mom, as well as Angelina's coach talked to me a lot and they made me feel much more comfortable letting her go without me - when I told Angelina that she was going, she couldn't have been happier.. not only would she still be part of her team, she was going to be going to Magic Kingdom, MGM, Universal and Busch Gardens!
They left last Friday.. Angelina, the cheer mom and her daughter, the coach and her daughter and the cheer mom's dog... (Angelina left our house last Thursday night and slept at the cheer mom's house since they were leaving so early Friday morning). They went to Pennsylvania first for a competition on Saturday, Angelina didn't compete at that one but the other two girls in the car did. The girls placed 2nd out of 12 teams!! They didn't stay long in PA and quickly got to Florida on Sunday.
Pit stop in North Carolina for breakfast at 2:30am (Angelina is on the right)
At Magic Kingdom
Medications.. self explanatory.. I am still on the same meds.. just waiting :)
Florida.. Angelina left last Thursday and hopefully will be home next Tuesday. She is there for the biggest cheerleading competition of the year! I almost didn't send her. I knew I couldn't go.. it was too close to the expected transfer date and I didn't want to risk throwing the whole cycle off track. Angelina was so upset when I told her we could not go. But thankfully, one of the cheer moms offered to bring Angelina along with her. I was so hesitant at first and I said no. I just didn't feel like I could be without her for that long, and I didn't think it was a good idea for her to travel so far without me or Kenny. Yes, Angelina has slept out, sometimes multiple days in a row, but always within 20 minutes from me, if she missed me, or got scared, or God forbid, was injured, I could quickly be there for her.. but how can I let her go from Rhode Island to Florida without me?
I knew how upset Angelina was, and the cheer mom, as well as Angelina's coach talked to me a lot and they made me feel much more comfortable letting her go without me - when I told Angelina that she was going, she couldn't have been happier.. not only would she still be part of her team, she was going to be going to Magic Kingdom, MGM, Universal and Busch Gardens!
They left last Friday.. Angelina, the cheer mom and her daughter, the coach and her daughter and the cheer mom's dog... (Angelina left our house last Thursday night and slept at the cheer mom's house since they were leaving so early Friday morning). They went to Pennsylvania first for a competition on Saturday, Angelina didn't compete at that one but the other two girls in the car did. The girls placed 2nd out of 12 teams!! They didn't stay long in PA and quickly got to Florida on Sunday.
Pit stop in North Carolina for breakfast at 2:30am (Angelina is on the right)
Angelina called me this morning at 7am and said they were at Magic Kingdom all day yesterday - Angelina had a blast! Her favorite ride was Space Mountain and she was so happy to buy a Pin Trading Lanyard.
Today they're off to Universal Studios and Island of Adventures - As much as I know she is having a blast, I just can't help to miss her!! Friday and Saturday will be the hardest, when she is competing and I am not in the stands cheering for her :( This is definitely the biggest competition of the year - COA Ultimate Nationals. I wish I could be there.. I look at the plane ticket prices daily, I just want to go so badly, but I have commitments here.. Alianna and Dominic, work, and most importantly, the surrogacy.
Angelina doing what she LOVES to do!
Kate.. Her and I stay in constant contact, mostly through texting and email, so she quickly told me about the results of her blood test/ultrasound she had on Friday.. her estrogen levels were not as high as they should be so she was instructed to up her dose and return on Monday for more testing.. well, yesterday's testing did show sign of improvement but still not as high as the clinic wanted them to be. She is going back for more testing (poor Kate) on Thursday and (fingers-crossed) hopefully her levels will be where they should be at. If not, we may have to cancel this month's transfer but I am not going to say those words again until the clinic says them for sure.. I really hope that is not the case, but then again, I want the biggest chance of this transfer to be successful and if that means waiting another cycle, that is exactly what I want.
Monday, April 18, 2011
30 Days of Blogging - Day #11 and #12
Day 11-Favorite TV shows
Lots!! My favorite was LOST! with Matthew Fox, but it ended last year and I wasn't at all happy with the way it ended - I think it had WAY more potential to have a great ending, but they just killed it, totally!
I am a MTV (which should be re-named to NMTV, non-music television) junkie, worse than a junkie.. if I could OD on one channel, it would be MTV, no lie! 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, Jersey Shore (i<3PaulyD), True Life, MADE and Silent Library (I'd win on that show for sure!) and who can forget the classics? Laguna Beach (I remember I wanted to name Dominic, Talan), TRL, Punked, Pimp My Ride.. LOVE MTV!
I also love Law & Order:SVU, Grey's Anatomy, Secret Life of an American Teenager, and Ellen (I sooo want to see her in person!)..
Day 12-What you believe
Wow! This is the most vague question and I have no idea where to begin to even attempt to answer this so I am going to say ONE very simple answer....
I BELIEVE I WILL MAKE KATE AND NAIN'S DREAMS COME TRUE!!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
30 Days of Blogging - Day #10
Day 10-Something you’re afraid of
Although absolutely beautiful, my greatest fear is and always has been the ocean.. I am scared of what is in the ocean, I am scared of the waves and possible under tow, I am scared of getting stranded, I am scared of drowning.. I do love going to the beach, but I do not go in the ocean and I usually won't go in the water unless my child seems to be in danger.. (my children come before my fears, always!).. every once in a while I will walk along the shore line and may be brave enough to let my feet get wet but I am usually so nervous that I am unable to enjoy it.
I am also scared of rodents and snakes, dark basements, and not reaching my career goals.
But right now, above anything else, I am scared of.. actually terrified of being a failure. Being a failure to the two people who have put so much trust in me already. As much as I am trying to stay positive about the upcoming procedure, I can't help but worrying about the 'what ifs'. Kate and Nain are counting on ME! I am just hoping, wishing, and praying that I can and will make them proud - that this journey will be a SUCCESS!
I am also scared of rodents and snakes, dark basements, and not reaching my career goals.
Friday, April 15, 2011
30 Days of Blogging - Day #9
Day 9-A picture of your friends
Gosh, I was totally dreading this day! It is not possible to show "a picture" with all my friends in it.. I really would like to add about 3 dozen photos below but since I don't want to bore you with photo after photo, here are just a handful photos of SOME of my favorite people, my FRIENDS!.. if you're not shown below, it does not mean I love you any less, it just means we need a picture day ;)
My Husband, Kenny
My daugther, Angelina
And last, but not least, My Cheer Friends :)
Gosh, I was totally dreading this day! It is not possible to show "a picture" with all my friends in it.. I really would like to add about 3 dozen photos below but since I don't want to bore you with photo after photo, here are just a handful photos of SOME of my favorite people, my FRIENDS!.. if you're not shown below, it does not mean I love you any less, it just means we need a picture day ;)
My Husband, Kenny
My daugther, Angelina
My Daughter, Alianna
My Son, Dominic
My Sister, Brittany
My best friends since jr high school, Kristen and Betsy
The other half of the package deal, Shannon
The girl I cannot live without, Priscilla
And last, but not least, My Cheer Friends :)
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Surrogacy Related :)
I am not sure if I've already wrote this or not but Kate went for blood work and an ultrasound on Monday and her results looked great so she was able to start her next medications :) They asked her to go back for another blood test on Saturday to once again check her levels - I am still taking my daily 5 units of Lupron and 3mg of Estradiol two times a day and waiting until I am needed but it seems like we're getting much closer! I am so excited, except when I step on the scale and realize I've already gained 10lbs just from the meds- YIKES!
Then yesterday I got an email from Kate.. she wrote that she is going for a FDA required blood test on Friday and Nain has one on Monday - they were sort of wondering why the tests were on separate days and then she seen on a surrogacy forum that the intended father has to have their blood test within 7 days of the transfer!! And it hit her - 7 days from Monday we could be transfering!! I could tell her happiness just from reading her words - a day that she's always dreamed about but seemed like it would never come and then BOOM it's right in front of your eyes.. almost like how Christmas feels to a 6 year old, but multiply that feeling by about million.. that's how I think she feels right now! Her "Christmas" is a week from Monday! WOOHOO!!!
Then yesterday I got an email from Kate.. she wrote that she is going for a FDA required blood test on Friday and Nain has one on Monday - they were sort of wondering why the tests were on separate days and then she seen on a surrogacy forum that the intended father has to have their blood test within 7 days of the transfer!! And it hit her - 7 days from Monday we could be transfering!! I could tell her happiness just from reading her words - a day that she's always dreamed about but seemed like it would never come and then BOOM it's right in front of your eyes.. almost like how Christmas feels to a 6 year old, but multiply that feeling by about million.. that's how I think she feels right now! Her "Christmas" is a week from Monday! WOOHOO!!!
30 Days of Blogging - Day #8
Day 8-A place you’ve traveled to
Well, this will be a pathetic post.. I haven't 'traveled'. Kenny and I started having children young and we just never had the time or finances to be able to travel for pleasure but we do talk about everywhere we'll go once the kids get older!
Where have I been so far? Rhode Island (where I live), Massachusetts (next state over, I am honestly in MA more than RI most days), Connecticut (aquarium), Vermont (skiing, visit grandparents), New Hampshire (visit family, skiing), Maine (skiing), New York (visit Kenny's family), Hershey, Pennsylvania (cheerleading), Virginia Beach (cheerleading), North Carolina (stopped while driving to Florida to pick up Kenny's niece) and Florida (visit inlaws and cheerleading). See, we've done some visiting and lots of cheer related traveling but never to just to enjoy it.
Where do I want to go? Greece, Italy, Puerto Rico, Hawaii, Auschwitz (and/or any Holocaust related location/museum), Venice, Paris, Niagara Falls, Grand Canyon, and any of the many seven wonders! I always wanted to visit Japan also, but now I am not too sure.
Well, this will be a pathetic post.. I haven't 'traveled'. Kenny and I started having children young and we just never had the time or finances to be able to travel for pleasure but we do talk about everywhere we'll go once the kids get older!
Where have I been so far? Rhode Island (where I live), Massachusetts (next state over, I am honestly in MA more than RI most days), Connecticut (aquarium), Vermont (skiing, visit grandparents), New Hampshire (visit family, skiing), Maine (skiing), New York (visit Kenny's family), Hershey, Pennsylvania (cheerleading), Virginia Beach (cheerleading), North Carolina (stopped while driving to Florida to pick up Kenny's niece) and Florida (visit inlaws and cheerleading). See, we've done some visiting and lots of cheer related traveling but never to just to enjoy it.
Where do I want to go? Greece, Italy, Puerto Rico, Hawaii, Auschwitz (and/or any Holocaust related location/museum), Venice, Paris, Niagara Falls, Grand Canyon, and any of the many seven wonders! I always wanted to visit Japan also, but now I am not too sure.
30 Days of Blogging - Day #7
Day 7-Favorite movies
It may sound a little cliche, but hands down, no doubt about it, Titanic is my all-time favorite movie.. there's no other movie that I can watch over and over and still be worried about what the outcome will be. I absolutely love the whole Jack and Rose story. I remember how happy I was when Kenny bought me the soundtrack and several years later we danced to one of the songs at our wedding. Definitely the best movie!
Some other all time favorites (in no particular order) are: Remember The Titans, Sweet Home Alabama, The Hangover, BIG, The 6th Sense, Forrest Gump, The Truman Show, The Others, Ghost, Freaky Friday, The Village,17 Again, Super Bad, The Green Mile, The Wizard of Oz, Willow (was my favorite when I was little), Grease... just to name a 'few'...
It may sound a little cliche, but hands down, no doubt about it, Titanic is my all-time favorite movie.. there's no other movie that I can watch over and over and still be worried about what the outcome will be. I absolutely love the whole Jack and Rose story. I remember how happy I was when Kenny bought me the soundtrack and several years later we danced to one of the songs at our wedding. Definitely the best movie!
Some other all time favorites (in no particular order) are: Remember The Titans, Sweet Home Alabama, The Hangover, BIG, The 6th Sense, Forrest Gump, The Truman Show, The Others, Ghost, Freaky Friday, The Village,17 Again, Super Bad, The Green Mile, The Wizard of Oz, Willow (was my favorite when I was little), Grease... just to name a 'few'...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
30 Days of Blogging - Day #4 (and #5 and #6!)
So, I am a blogging slacker but I have excuses, I mean reasons!!
This weekend was so hectic, Angelina had a cheer comp both days which took up the whole weekend and when I wasn't doing something cheer-related, I was sleeping.. and THEN my laptop decided to just go to heaven :( Kenny currently has it in pieces and is attempting to bring it back to life, so keep your fingers crossed... so now I have to use the desktop, which isn't on a desk so it requires sitting on the floor.. yeah.. I should buy a desk but usually I don't use this computer so it never bothered me, well, I've been sitting here about 5 minutes and I am ready to run to the store to buy a desk!
Anyhow.. let's catch up on the 30 Days of Blogging, shall we?!
Day 5-Your siblings
This weekend was so hectic, Angelina had a cheer comp both days which took up the whole weekend and when I wasn't doing something cheer-related, I was sleeping.. and THEN my laptop decided to just go to heaven :( Kenny currently has it in pieces and is attempting to bring it back to life, so keep your fingers crossed... so now I have to use the desktop, which isn't on a desk so it requires sitting on the floor.. yeah.. I should buy a desk but usually I don't use this computer so it never bothered me, well, I've been sitting here about 5 minutes and I am ready to run to the store to buy a desk!
Anyhow.. let's catch up on the 30 Days of Blogging, shall we?!
Day 4-Your parents
My mom - she is great but she does have her off days and on those days, I stay as far away as I can. We have always been close but definitely had our ups and downs but she is always there for me if I need her. She raised me a lot on her own and always put me first, even though I didn't always see it that way.. I just think kids never really see what and how much a mother sacrifices while raising her children until the kid has a child. We still talk daily and she only lives about 7 minutes from me so we see each other often too. Last week I went into the salon she was getting her hair done at so I could get my hair trimmed and she was ever so happy to quickly announce to everyone there that I was going to be an "oven". I guess I make her proud :)
My father - ok, so I have two..
I have my real, biological father.. we did not have much of a relationship while I was a child, I am pretty sure he wasn't really ready to be a dad when I was born so I think it was harder for him to adjust to the lifestyle change not to mention him and my mother didn't get along at all, so that always made it hard for them to communicate about me. We have improved a lot but I don't think it will ever be as good as is could.. it could be the distance, there is only about 90 or so miles between us which seems like a lot more when you both have busy lives. Or maybe its due to the delayed father/daughter relationship start we received or just because I still have some hard feelings but what ever it is, I do appreciate how much he has stepped up and that he now tries to be a dad.
(my gram is on the left, me, my stepdad)
Then there is my stepfather.. he raised me from the time I was one years old, he potty trained me, and helped me to talk, he spent days outside showing me how to ride a two wheeler, and he took me to work at the truck stop and let me slide under the trucks and 'work' with him.. I lost my first tooth at his work and put it in the top drawer of his tool box. He never looked at me like a stepdaughter.. to him (and his whole family), I was HIS child and for that I will always be grateful. Sadly, the time spent with him was short-lived as he lost his battle with cancer when I was just 7 years old - I still remember every detail of that day, EVERY detail, even hanging my coat on my hook (with a picture of an apple above it that said "Courtney") that morning. It's been over 21 years since he passed away, and I will never, ever forget him!
Day 5-Your siblings
Brittany (on the left) - Brittany is the total opposite of me - she is 5' even, very petite, extremely socialable and doesn't want kids until she is well in her 30s. Her and I have the same mother, her father is my stepfather and she was just 1yr5mos when he passed away. We're very close even when work prevents us from hanging out as much as we wish we could - we weren't always so close though.. I had a hard time adjusting to having a baby sister after being the baby for 6 years but I am thankful that I finally got use to it and I appreciate having her, the little miracle baby who was conceived around the time our dad was going through cancer treatments and survived being trampled by a full-sized horse while inside my mother's uterus - which after going to the ER to be checked out is how my mom found out she was expecting!
Stephen - Stephen or Stevie as I always called him growing up is my (step) brother.. I remember being very jealous of him when we all lived together in a house that was shaped like an A and he had the bedroom upstairs! It was so cool but I was banned from the stairs that went up there since they were steel spiral stairs and my parents always thought I'd fall and die or something (I snuck up plenty of times and I am still here!). Although we live in separate states now and we're both grown with our own families, I know we'll always have a brother/sister bond and he'll always be there for me.
Tina - Tina and I are stepsisters technically but if you asked either of us our relationship, we'd reply with just "we're sisters". Not too many big sisters would take their 9 yr old sister to see New Kids on the Block but that is exactly what she did - and she wasn't paid to do it either (at least not that I know of!). Tina has two kids of her own and if I thought I was busy with cheerleading, her schedule is 10x more busy than mine with all the sports her kids are into but just like Stephen, I also know she'll always be here for me too, just as she always was!
I have a great family - I am so blessed!
Day 6-A picture of something that makes you happy
It's not the greatest photo, and Dominic is not smiling, but this picture makes me smile, and the people in it make me smile more - This was from December 2010 while we were on the Polar Express train ride in New Hampshire (Thanks Gramma!).. We all enjoyed it sooo much! Pink shirt is Alianna, blue snowman jammies is Dominic, lime green top is Angelina and then Me on the left and Kenny on the right. And yes, we're all in our pjs! It made the ride and story even better!
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