Today was definitely an emotional day...
I went to Kate and Nain's house for a visit - Kate and I planned to go through all the items that she received from the baby shower and put them away in the nursery.. We didn't get much accomplished though.. a couple picture frames got put on the dresser, and we hung up several (empty) clothes hangers - oh and put all the stuffed animals in a basket. Kate and I did attempt to put the co-sleeper together, but failed miserably.. thank goodness Amara has an awesome (and strong) grandfather that was able to get it together!! But mostly we just talked, and cried, and talked some more.. and cried even more...
She is so strong.. I am not sure how she does it, but she does.. I'm sure she feels weak, but she is far from it.. she loves her husband so much.. and as much as it is hard for me to see him going through this, it is just as hard, if not harder, for me to see her have to see him going through this... I wish I could take all their pain and hurt away and just give them their baby, like how we had thought it was going to be. But nothing goes as planned I guess :(
I got to spend a little bit of time with Nain - he was in a lot of pain and was very tired so I didn't want to bother him too much, but I did sit next to him, and he was able to put his hand on my belly for the first time and Amara gave hims LOTS of good kicks - strange too, because she is NEVER awake during that time of day.. for the past 3 or 4 weeks, I have really gotten accustomed to her sleep cycle and I never noticed her awake around this time, but today, she's been up ALL day - maybe she'll let me sleep tonight!
Nain's voice is very quite, or maybe it is hard for him to speak, I am not sure.. but I did hear him tell his little girl he loved her, in spanish.. so beautiful but emotional, but I tried very hard to not cry, I did not want Nain to know I was sad.. as sad I am, I am also happy I was able to be there, and that he was able to have that moment with Amara.
After seeing him today, and hearing all Kate had to say.. I am no longer hoping for 8 more weeks.. it would be BEYOND selfish of me to expect him to suffer like that for 59 more days.. as much as I WANT and WISH it was possible, I am content with knowing it is not - He LOVES his daughter, and there will not be a day in her life that someone will not remind Amara how much he loved and wanted her!
5 comments:
Damn.... This post had me in tears.. I can feel YOUR pain pouring through your words.. She is one lucky little girl.. I pray by some miracle he hangs on to see her, but I know if he cannot she will feel his love everyday and "see" her Daddy through the eyes of everyone that loved him.. prayers for all of you!!!
I too, was brought to tears. Although a totally different situation, I watched my Grandfather fight and lose his battle to cancer. It was horrible to see him diminish, but comforting to know he was no longer suffering. I just hope that his pain is minimal. Lots of thoughts, prayers and everything else during this difficult, difficult time :(
tears here too, so so sad.
Crying here too. Your post brought back so many memories of my last journey. I so wish you all could get the happy ending that we did.
Bless you sweetie for all that you are doing to give this family the hope that they need during their time of sorrow.
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