Nain went to the doctor yesterday and his liver functions declined a lot.. Chemo is no longer an option for him.. it would be too dangerous and do more harm than good. I am sure he feels like stopping treatment is like giving up, and letting cancer win, but he did everything he could, he had the greatest doctors, the most supportive wife, family and friends and always the most positive attitude but this cancer is just TOO strong and 100% deadly!
There may be no more treatment options for him, but i know he still has fight left.. he has to, right? Amara is counting on him! But when I say or think that, I feel bad.. I have seen people suffering from cancer.. I have seen people at the end of their life, I held my greatgrandmother's hand while she took her last breathe.. they hurt, they really hurt.. u can see it in their eyes, you can just feel it in the room... I feel selfish for wanting him to keep fighting and try to wait to see his little girl.
It's always like this though, right? When something is going bad, we always try to bargain with God or with another person.. All we ever want is one more day, one more smile, one more hug, one more "i love you".. Are we wrong for wanting this?
There are the people who hold off, and wait for a family member to be by their side, or they way for a special occasion, they wait until their loved ones feel ready, or as ready as they will ever feel, they wait for someone to tell them "it's okay".. do the sick do this for us? do they do it for themself?
I guess these are the questions that are rolling around my head right now, and I'll probably never know the answers to them.. so instead, i'll just keep trying to make a deal with God and hope for another 65 days..
3 comments:
My IF had cancer during my last journey. He was diagnosed right after we got a positive beta. It is a horrible situation for everyone involved. He is currently in remission. I wish there could be a happy ending for you guys. It is so hard to think of what he is going through, what his partner is going through, what you are going through. Hang in there. It is not an easy road for any of you.
Thank you so much for commenting - I haven't talked to anyone else that has been going through anything similar to me, so I am happy to know I am not alone - I am happy your story ended better than how mine will probably end, but happy you again, it means so much!
I dont really know what to say except that I am just so moved by your/you IP's story and I will continue to keep everyone in my thoughts and prayers...
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