Surrogacy, through a child's eyes..

People have always been so curious as to how my three children understood surrogacy.  They often asked if I thought the kids would be attached to the baby and miss her after she was born.  If they truly understood that Amara was not their sister.  I have always been very open with them about the surrogacy, right from the beginning.  I read them books about surrogacy, talked about the procedures and the reasons why Kate and Nain couldn't have their own baby.  I really wanted them to be okay with it and not be confused.  I decided to ask them a few questions today to find out how the past year has been for them.. here are their very candid answers...


Answers by Angelina, 10 years old.  Angelina is in 5th grade and is very mature for her age, as you will notice in her answers.  Her favorite things are cheerleading, Justin Bieber and her iPhone and her favorite book series is The Sisters Grimm.

What did you think when I first told you I was going to be a surrogate?  "I was like, 'what?! that is crazy."

Why did you think it was crazy? "It wasn't something I really knew about, it was uncommon to me, but now I am happy because we helped another family"  I love how she said "we" :)

What do you think of Kate? She is so easy going and even though there's been a lot of bad things in her life, she is always looking at the bright side of things, and she is always grateful for what she has.. she never says 'well, I wanted this, not that', she is just always happy with what she gets"

and Nain?  "He was so kind, always caring about others, even when he was the one that needed to be cared for, he was so selfless"

How did Nain's getting sick and passing away affect you?  "I started to feel like raising awareness about cancer was part my duty, every time I heard the word 'cancer', I'd pop right up and talked about it, I even did a paper on pancreatic cancer in school."

What's your favorite memory of me being pregnant with Amara? "Going to their house and us all being together and even though Nain was already sick, there was a little ray of hope, everyone was happy.  It was the perfect day."

What is one thing you didn't like about me being pregnant with Amara?   "We couldn't do anything fun.  You were always so grouchy, and never in a good mood."

Were you worried while I was in the hospital?  "yeah. Because it was a little early and I didn't know how Amara was going to be, or how you were going to be."

What was your first thought when you seen/held Amara?  "She looked like a baby doll, she was so small."

Did you want to bring Amara home? "I love babies so of course, yes, but no because I know she is not really related to us and she is Kate's baby and Kate needs her baby.  I am sad but not enough to make me cry, she is like a cousin"

So she is like your cousin, you don't feel like Amara is your sister?  "Nah..."

Do you miss Amara?  "I miss her because she is SO adorable, but, it's not like I will cry, it's more like I miss her and I can't wait to see her again."

What are your biggest dreams for Amara?  "to grow up and know the story of her father and help raise awareness and be proud of how much her father fought for her and for his life and for Amara to carry on his legacy."


Answers by Alianna, 8 years old.  Alianna is in 2nd grade and is a very matter-of-fact, straight to the point type of person.  She is honest, blunt and definitely one of a kind.  Her favorite color is pink and if she could have any animal in the world, it would be a giraffe.

What is a surrogate?  "I don't know, what do you think I am, 90?"

What did you think about me being pregnant with Amara?  "Not so sure about that question"

Your teachers told me you always told them about our story, did you tell your friends too?  "Well, I shared about it in front of the class when she was born."

Did you like me being pregnant? "No, because you couldn't even walk!"

Were you excited to visit Amara at the hospital?  "Yes!! and I got to see her before Angelina and Dominic! I was the first to hold the baby"

How did I have someone else's baby in my belly? "The doctor's put the baby in your belly"  (this started a big conversation - she asked how exactly the baby got there, did they cut my stomach open, did I swallow her.. I said, no, they used a needle to put her in - both Alianna and Angelina's eyes practically popped out I thought it was just because of the thought of me needing a needle - but it was because neither could believe she could have fit in a needle!!!

Is Amara your baby sister? "No"

Do you want to see Amara again?  "Sure"

What do you think Amara's first word will be?  "Dada"

Do you think it will make Kate sad when she says Dada?  "Yes so maybe her first word should be mama instead"

Do you think Nain is watching over Amara?  "Yes"

Do you want me to be a surrogate again?  "What is that?"

Do you want me to have someone else's baby in my belly again?  "No!"


Answers by Dominic, 6 years old.  Dominic is in kindergarten and loves to watch Sponge Bob while playing with Lightening McQueen toys.  He loves to give compliments to others but will also tell you if you're not looking up to par but in the most sweetest way ever.  He wants to be a car designer when he is older.


Where did my belly go?  "The baby is gone, so you belly shrinked"

Where is the baby now?  "She is with Kate"

Do you remember the reason why Kate couldn't grow Amara in her belly? "because she had cancer"

Is Amara your baby sister? "No, she is my cousin"

Do you think Kate is going to be a good mom? "Yes, because she gives her food and new diapers"

What is a good lullaby that Kate should learn to sing to Amara? "She needs to learn 'Rock-A Bye-Baby'"  Kate was singing New Kids on the Block songs to Amara when we visited at the hospital because she didn't know a lullaby, I say NKOTB is a great substitution!

If you could give Amara any gift in the world, what would it be? "a fake cell phone"  (Alianna chimed in and said "HER DAD!")

Do you miss Amara being in my belly? "Yes"

Who is Amara's guardian angel? "her daddy"

Do you want to go visit Kate and Amara soon? "Yes, can we go tomorrow?"

Do you think Amara will look like Kate or like Nain when she gets bigger? "like her mommy because she is a girl"

Do you miss Amara? "Yes"

Do you wish she lived with us? "No, because babies whine A LOT!"