Special Visitors

Today I had special visitors..

Kate and Amara came to visit!!

It was fantastic to spend time with both of them again.  I was able to feed the baby and change her a couple times, and hold her for almost the whole visit!  Amara was awake practically the whole time, WIDE awake and so alert! Angelina, Alianna and Dominic were so excited to see her again, too!  Dominic just LOVES his baby "cousin"!   Gosh, I just love both of them so much!  Is it bad that they just left 2 hours ago, and I already miss them and cannot wait to see them again?!

Kate and I talked about how she is adjusting to motherhood and although she may disagree, I think she is doing great!  Being a new mom isn't easy, for anyone!  Whether you have been wanting the child for years, or if it is unexpected, whether the baby grew inside your body, or someone else's, whether you're wealthy or poor, whether you have a partner's help or you have to do it alone - parenting a child, especially a newborn, is HARD work and no one nor no book can prepare you 100% for what it will be like... but after the weeks (and maybe months) of sleepless nights, you realize it is all worth it.  When Amara first says "mama", Kate will forget about the 3am feedings and the cries for no reason, and it WILL all be worth it!

I could tell how tired she was, and it hurts to see her going through so much right now, after all she has been through.  I wish there was something I could do.. obviously I wish I could bring him back, but I can't.. I wish I could be there for her, go stay for a night or two, shoot, I'd stay for a week or two if she asked!  (Kate, if you're reading this, JUST ASK and you KNOW I'd be there!!)  I wish I lived closer so I could visit more often, let her take naps and do 'normal adult things' like errands to the post office, the store, the bank.. I just wish there was SOMETHING I could do.. I didn't go into this surrogacy thinking I would be a part of their lives after delivery, I wished for it, but I didn't expect it.. but I DID go into this surrogacy thinking I was helping two people become parents.. and now things are slightly off track... and I just wish it was easier for her - i wish I could make it easier for her.  She doesn't have his help and I wish I could be of more help.. I know I was only 'the surrogate' but I somewhat feel like I helped create this amazing little person, and I wish there was more I could do to help, even though I know it's not my responsibility at all.    Within the past year Kate has achieved her biggest dreams and lived through her worst nightmares.. from sitting across from a fertility doctor telling her and her husband that they'll be parents for the first time, to two months later, sitting in front of an oncology doctor telling her that her husband has terminal cancer, and just 5 short months later, becoming a widow, and 6 weeks later, becoming a  mom.  That's a lot of life changes in such a short amount of time.  Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes, and THIS is one of those times!