One week later

It's been a week since I gave birth to another woman's baby.

Emotionally, I have been doing great.. those feelings that I had the first night, the feeling of loneliness, haven't really returned. I added the "really" in there because there was one day since I've been home that I remember telling Kenny "I felt sad again today..."  I think it was on Tuesday, three days after delivery.. I was home alone all day and I remember just feeling like I missed someone.. it could have just been because on Sunday and Monday I had Kenny and the kids home with me.. but on Tuesday, it was just me.  Around 4:30pm, I got a message on my phone and it was from Kate - it was a video titled "In case you miss the hiccups :)", it was Amara, and yes, you guessed it, she had the hiccups!! Kate was telling her to say hi to me and it honestly looked like she waved! It made me smile, cry, and laugh.  It was the absolute best medicine and exactly what I needed to get out of the funk I was in all day.  Since then, I have been wonderful!  I haven't felt anymore sadness and each day is getting better and better.  Although I am doing emotionally 98% better, it doesn't stop me from getting teared up every time someone asks me about her or any part of the experience - they're a mix of happy and sad tears.. I am sure it's half because my hormones are still a little wacky, but I feel like even in 10 years when someone asks me about my journey, I'll still tear up. Mostly they'll be toys of joy and proudness!

Physically is a different story.. Wednesday was horrible - I was in A LOT of pain.  I could hardly walk and my body was giving me signs that I really needed to slow down(pain, cramps, flow).  I didn't expect it to be so difficult to take it easy around the house but it's so different when you don't have a newborn to take care of, to feed every two hours, who wakes you through out the night - so unlike a new mom, I have no one to take care of (while my family is at work and school) and I am not sleep deprived. I am home alone all day and I was up and about, cleaning the bathroom, sweeping the floor, going up and down the stairs.... but by Wednesday night, I couldn't move off the couch.  The pain was so intense and the bleeding was pretty bad.  I took 800mg of ibuprofen and stayed on the couch for the rest of the night as well as all day on Thursday and limited my activity on Friday, but Friday night (last night) I had a lot of bleeding, so much that I called my doctor and was ready to go to the ER, but she told me to first try laying down and massaging my uterus.. I did that until I fell asleep and so far, so good.  I am  feeling much better today, but I am definitely giving my body the time to healing now.  I just have to keep reminding myself that I just had a baby one week ago...